Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Beefy



Sometimes, when I look up and realize that I've been sitting at my computer for something like 14 hours attempting to complete a hellish amount of work, I like to put things in perspective. Sure, it sucks that I procrastinated have this much crap to do at once...but at least I wasn't eaten by my father, you know?

Back before you know it.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Somebody gotta die tonight


He's a good Locke, crazy 'bout Elvis

One of those bastards is gonna bite it — but who?
Vote over at The Clog.

(Image courtesy of
Lostpedia)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Panda-Dog days of summer



I don't know where I found this picture of Panda-Dog, where Panda-Dog is from or if Panda-Dog is even real. I do know, however, that if found myself in a situation where a gang of gypsies or Dominicans was somehow keeping me from Panda-Dog, I would kill every single last one of those motherfuckers with my bare hands. Panda-Dog and I are meant to be together.

UPDATE: By gum, Panda-Dog IS real! And apparently this shit was hot, like, 17 years ago. Figures. Also, this is the part where I'm supposed to be disappointed that Panda-Dog is really just a regular dog dyed to look like a panda. It's weird, though, because I'm not even remotely disappointed.

PANDA-DOG RESOURCES
- Panda-Dog on Google Video
- Panda-Dog at The Panda Blog
- Unsettling Panda-Dog rant
- Panda-Dog in spirit and spirit alone

********

My bredrens over at DIW Magazine took some boffo shots of LCD Soundsystem at Coachella. Boffo is my new favorite word. I'm 17 years behind on that as well.

Wiktionary cites this blog as a source in the entry for the term "blaccent." I have arrived.

Broadcast your virgin status IN TECHNICOLOR! with a light-up Transformers t-shirt.

T.I., "Big Things Poppin'." Is it just me, or do these T.I. and Tip guys kinda look alike?

My man Erich has started a lil' MySpace for his artwork. Go click and e-mail and buy and smile. He still owes me a Bruce Lee stencil. Speaking of which: If you know me, you know why I think this is brilliant.

Harold Perrineau, or Michael from LOST, declined an offer to return to the show to concentrate on Demons, a series about "rogue priests on a road trip to destroy evil." Now, there's some speculation that he might be returning to LOST after all. Hard to say why. Harry, baby...you're sharing top billing with RON ELDARD. You know what he is capable of. Please come back to us.

In case you're wondering how someone with such stunted technical prowess managed to make the slightly hot pulldowns you see on your right: Drop-down Menu Creator is the balls. Now, if I could only figure out how to make those accursed "older posts" and "newer posts" links appear at the bottom of this shit. Anybody?

BuddyTV interview with ANTM runner-up Natasha. Yes, they asked her if her Russian heritage helped or hurt her on the show.

Do yourself a favor and read up on huitlacoche, commonly known as corn smut. It's one of the better fungi out there.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Look into the mirror, say "Rachael Ray" three times...



alekj2#%@#^(t2@~^T!!1228fgdljRAgaFaaaio3^^&#@!64o5$%U

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Prinzhorn Dance School, "Up! Up! Up!"



The Horn (Tobin and Suzi) is no joke. They're gonna be huge. I recently had the chance to (e-mail) interview them for a short profile that's coming out sometime soon, and they gave some of the most infectiously glib British answers ever. I loved every e-second of it.

Me: How did you align to form Prinzhorn? Suzi, what is your background music-wise?

Suzi: No previous musical experience what so ever. I am not ready to share my life beyond my music. We met and wrote some songs I guess like any other band.

Me: Could you tell me just a bit about the debut? (For starters, what's it called?) Do you feel that it's along the same lines as the 7-inch single, or do you anticipate fans being surprised by the record as a whole?

Tobin: It doesn't have a title yet. I don't really have an idea of what a horn fan is or what they expect from a horn record. I don't like the word fan anyway, I think that's a patronizing term. But if people love the record that will be an amazing reward for everything we put into making it. If I didn't like the record I would have buried the masters somewhere and started again.

Mark my words: The Horn will be huge.

(Thanks Aaron)

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happiness is a warm Shrek the Third digital press kit









Write some captions if you wish. Or, just step back and bask in the soul-caressing glory that is celebrities feigning interaction with CGI characters. It's the little things, people. The little things.


Yes, Rupert Everett appears to be wearing all-black shelltoes. As to whether or not they're digitally augmented...let's just say I have my theories.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Somewhat linear apology for not having any thoughts on LOST



I kept meaning to put together some pithy pathetic writeups for all the LOST that's rattled off lately, but to be honest, I've been lazy/somewhat unmotivated thanks to the back-to-back Kate- and Juliet-centric crapisodes (yes, the ones that aired in early April).

My embarrassing nerdcore obsession with the show, however, was reaffirmed by episodes like the Sun-centric "D.O.C.", which I found refreshing due to its complete disregard for stereotypical Asian gender characterizations. The writers portray Sun as an intelligent, self-assured woman who still manages to make decisions based on others before herself; Jin's mother is a gleefully sadistic manipulator of the non-Dragon lady variety. Jin is left wholly in the dark when it comes to his effed-up past, leaving no point of reference for hackneyed stoicism; his father, on the other hand, lives a life forever broken by the same circumstances. Just generally sharp stuff. The episode with the Locke's dad and the vicious choking and the wasn't half bad, either.

Of course, after last night, no one cares about either of these episodes anything else anymore.


********



There's nothing I can say that can't be more succinctly stated through excerpts from
this comments section.* (via Adam Riff)

”Looks like the guy who played Whistler in the Blade movies”

"i thought i read once that the producers would stick to scientific explanations for all things that had happened..but invisibility's too cool for science, i would say.."
**

”It's Terence Stamp. Just to be sure you know who that is... General Zod, Chancellor Vallorum...It is totally Terence Stamp.”


”Crazy ass theory: Jacob is God and Ben is Moses (but a failed Moses).”
**

”Am I the only person who thinks that it is
Brad Dourif?”

“Kris Kristofferson is the first person who popped into my head as well.”


“Funny thing is...it also looks like the father of Alex P. Keaton in that 80's show with Michael J. Fox...I think his name is: Michael Gross”
**

”When I watched the episode last night, I initially thought Jacob was Dennis Hopper.”


”remember, ben was only supposed to be a bit part and get killed off, but now he's the main character of the show...seems awfully contrived to me :(“


”Jacob was to
Lost as the Emperor is to Star Wars... Not sure what to make of that but it seems like it could be useful.”
**

”I think he kind of looks like Lance Henriksen, to tell you the truth.”


”Jacob looks like David Crosby.”


"Jacob is Kris Kristofferson."

* Alternate screencaps (that look absolutely nothing like the other screencaps) here.

** These comments blow my fucking mind.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Buy a tee, help Sudan



If you're interested, please get in touch by WEDNESDAY, MAY 9.


********


For those of you who don't have the pleasure of knowing my younger sister, just know that she is probably the most selfless, goodhearted girl named Emily person ever. While I'm off writing self-important rap music reviews and passing out on my couch/cat while watching America's Next Top Model, she's organizing massive human rights fundraisers and kicking the asses of numerous college admissions offices up and down the East Coast. I'm writing here to bring your attention to a project she's working on. She spearheaded it all by herself, and I think it'll have spectacular results — with just a bit of your help.


My sister is working with
Students Against Genocide to run a T-shirt program that raises funds for the International Rescue Committee and several other organizations (full list here) contributing to relief efforts in Sudan. Just $12 will get you your very own shirt (color choices and sizes below). But just how much of that $12 goes to these organizations? It's like this: As of today, Emily has collected around 200 shirt orders, which puts the cost of a single shirt at $6.35. This means $5.65 of your cash goes to charity (price chart here). If she can get that number up to 300 or more, however, that same donation jumps to $5.85. Doesn't seem like a big deal, right?

Consider this: That extra 20 cents translates into an extra $20 per 100 shirts sold. For every dollar the IRC spends, 90 cents goes to programs and services. In short, it's no joke.


I'm not trying to be pushy, preachy or anything of the sort. It just strikes me as a simple way to support an important cause. If you want in, I'm all ears. Thanks!


********


If you're interested, please get in touch by WEDNESDAY, MAY 9.

Mail me: andrewlazor[at]gmail[dot]com.


COLORS: BLUE, RED, ORANGE, GREEN


SIZES (MEN'S AND WOMEN'S): S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Flighty sense tingling


"Have another...paralyzer!" (Name the movie.)

The lead film review I was planning on running in today's issue of
City Paper (which, by the way, features a truly stellar mayoral endorsement package by Doron Taussig) fell through at the last second because the promo heads decided to hold it until next week. This forced me to expand what was an unremarkably brassy 400-word Spider-Man 3 review into an 800-word section lead that, in my opinion, reads like it's written by an anthropomorphic thesaurus with a drinking problem.

Of course, that's not meant to disparage any of my keen editors; I'm just That Guy (Journalism Edition), meaning I tend to kinda hate everything I write. In light of this occasion, I'd like to introduce a new feature:
The Trapper Juan Disconcertameter 5000™. Please read the statements and observations below. If you wish, express your opinion regarding which statement is most disconcerting in the comments section. Or, if you're feeling particularly cruel, develop your own item and post it.

Without further ado:
What's most disconcerting about my Spider-Man 3 review?

a. That I used the mathematical term
"scalene" to describe the Peter/Mary Jane/Harry love triangle and thought it was fuckin' bank before my editor in chief wisely advised against it. Thank you, Duane.

b.
(two-parter) That I contacted Drew to make sure that the robot arm building scene in Army of Darkness features exactly 17 consecutive zooms / the fact that Drew knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the robot arm building scene in Army of Darkness features exactly 17 consecutive zooms

c. (See article headline.)

d. The fact that a slew of legitimately qualified film critics
more or less agree with me.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Cuba libre



This apt comparison courtesy of my co-worker Carolyn. In other news: Fuck you, Carolyn.