Thursday, May 03, 2007

Flighty sense tingling

"Have another...paralyzer!" (Name the movie.)

The lead film review I was planning on running in today's issue of
City Paper (which, by the way, features a truly stellar mayoral endorsement package by Doron Taussig) fell through at the last second because the promo heads decided to hold it until next week. This forced me to expand what was an unremarkably brassy 400-word Spider-Man 3 review into an 800-word section lead that, in my opinion, reads like it's written by an anthropomorphic thesaurus with a drinking problem.

Of course, that's not meant to disparage any of my keen editors; I'm just That Guy (Journalism Edition), meaning I tend to kinda hate everything I write. In light of this occasion, I'd like to introduce a new feature:
The Trapper Juan Disconcertameter 5000™. Please read the statements and observations below. If you wish, express your opinion regarding which statement is most disconcerting in the comments section. Or, if you're feeling particularly cruel, develop your own item and post it.

Without further ado:
What's most disconcerting about my Spider-Man 3 review?

a. That I used the mathematical term
"scalene" to describe the Peter/Mary Jane/Harry love triangle and thought it was fuckin' bank before my editor in chief wisely advised against it. Thank you, Duane.

(two-parter) That I contacted Drew to make sure that the robot arm building scene in Army of Darkness features exactly 17 consecutive zooms / the fact that Drew knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the robot arm building scene in Army of Darkness features exactly 17 consecutive zooms

c. (See article headline.)

d. The fact that a slew of legitimately qualified film critics
more or less agree with me.

1 comment:

Paul Tsikitas said...

I read your article last night whilst taking a post Chinee food dump. And I am going to say that the usage of Scalene is by far the most Disconcerning although it gave me a good, forceful laugh.

I'm pretty nervous to check the Spidey flick, but I'm not in the mood for any good movies. So I guess it will be what the doctor ordered.