Saturday, March 31, 2007

Nonlinear Thoughts on LOST VI-VIII

Let me just start off by saying that I was sincerely flattered by the two (count 'em!) of you who requested a LOST post following Wednesday's episode. So what if one of them was my cousin? Shh.


- Is Emilie de Ravin hot or no? I'm on the fence. This picture makes deciding that much more difficult, and for that, I'm sorry.

- In Inky TV columnist David Hiltbrandt's infuriatingly titled "Dave on Demand" column, he moans about TV being "too moronic," and
cites this episode's non-reveal as evidence:
Jack (Matthew Fox) and Claire (Emilie de Ravin) are step-siblings. That plot twist might have had more impact if Lost obsessives hadn't been predicting that outcome on the Internet for the last year.
The fact that everyone already knew these goobers were related has less to do with the predictability of the show than it does the disturbingly analytical nature of Drew Lazor LOST freaks. Seriously, the Lostpedia entry for fucking Apollo Candy Bars features more info than Wiki's page about the cotton gin. Also, if you're going to rock the nitpick: since they share a father, Claire and Jack are half-siblings, not step-siblings. Get your game right, Dave.

- Sawyer was reading
The Fountainhead. Please disregard everything I just said.

- What was with the Civil-War-era-love-letter gushiness of the note Claire and Charlie attached to the seagull? ("There is new life, too, and with it...there is hope.") My note would've been all like "YO THERE R BEARS AND PROTESTANTS TRYIN 2 KILL US PLZ SEND CIGS/HELP ITS THE ISLAND W THE PLANE ON IT K THX PEACE PS THERES ALSO A MUSLIM B CAREFUL"

- There's no way I would make "the list." I'm all flawed.


- I'm glad Locke's paralysis was the result of something relatively gully, like getting speared out of a window by his kidney-stealing father, and not something stupid, like getting run over by
Claire in her Bauhaus phase.

- Blablablowingupthesubmarineblablaimaginationboxbla

New wallpaper?


- Weird.

- I know the writers were going for a whodunnit/look-it's-like-
CSI leitmotif, but the pacing of it all was odd, especially since the two episodes prior to this one featured "big" reveals centered on characters people actually care about. This is the first time in recent memory that LOST asked and answered all of its own questions in the span of an hour. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

- Paulo/Nikki = obviously the least essential of all the LOST couples. If Jin/Sun is breakfast, Charlie/Claire is lunch and Jack/Sawyer/Kate is dinner, Paulo/Nikki is brunch. No...linner. Crappy linner. Crappy linner gets its own episode?

Adam Riff: "Whenever new old castaways Nikki and Paulo are on screen, I feel like I'm watching Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, if neither Rosencrantz nor Guildenstern ever appeared in Hamlet." Agreed. Also, Kiele Sanchez's asparagus-induced befuddlement (above) = painfully existential.

- Before
300, Rodrigo Santoro voiced Stuart in the Brazilian version of Stuart Little. Sanchez was a finalist on the MTV's first Wanna Be a VJ in 1998. She lost to Jesse Camp, who now works at a pet store. She's engaged to Zach Helm. How [your fave letter here]-List.

- Billy Dee Williams as himself. Somewhere out there, a pockmarked
Star Wars fanboy LOST his nut to a show I actively watch. Shudder.

- Re: being buried alive...isn't sand, like, lighter than your average dirt? Could you poke your way out of there or no? Paulo could totally samba his way out.


I just got an iPod.

1) How do I go about listening to a LOST podcast?
2) How do I conceal my desire to listen to a LOST podcast from everyone I know?
3) Fuck.

Friday, March 30, 2007


F7 = spell check.


Saturday, March 24, 2007

Monday, March 19, 2007

All brand new pugilistic stars

While there's really no need to justify posting a clip from Five Deadly Venoms, I actually have a pertinent reason: Lo Meng, aka Number Five The Toad, is coming to Philly this summer. More info on The Clog.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Watching the clothes go 'round

The weather in Philly today is on some truly end-of-days shit, but I don't let it ruin your weekend. Wanted to share this: April and Jenelle, who are as lovely a couple as I've ever seen (that's them in 'toon form), are moving to the West Coast, which sucks. BUT, they're getting rid of an effload of vintage clothing before they move, which doesn't suck. Save the date. Which is tomorrow. Yup, St. Paddy's. You'll have plenty of time to hit the pub afterwards — in a sassy pantsuit to boot. Okay, I don't know if they're actually selling sassy pantsuits.

Direct all inquiries to jenellecampbell[at]gmail[dot]com.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Nonlinear Thoughts on LOST III-V

I've been slacking like a fucking certified belay instructor keeping up with this generally pointless LOST feature. So, for the sake of my own irrelevance, here are abridged nonlinear thoughts on some past episodes. As always, feel free to ignore all the writing and stare at Matthew Fox's Ivy-League-hated-on junk.


- Even Bai Ling's most innocuous dialogue ("I went for the swim in the ocean!") gives me an excruciating migraine. Listening to her talk is like sitting in your car and voluntarily setting off the alarm.

- The "Oh really, Bobby?" quip that Sawyer directed at Karl was a decidedly obscure reference, even for someone familiar with
The Brady Bunch. He could've been talking about anyone.

- So Bai Ling "sees people for who they are." (Lostpedia lists her occupation as
"Tattoo Artist/Seer." Huh...) Jack's sloppy ass demands that she tattoo him, and she reluctantly complies; it's later revealed that the tattoo reads "he walks amongst us, but he is not one of us." The ability to single out the one white guy in all of Thailand ... prescient.

- Jack has bad taste in women.


- Sometimes, the parallels LOST draws between past and present are eye-gougingly literal. So, young Hurley was skinny, but then he's abandoned by his father, who gives him a chocolate bar as a parting gift. Now wait just a ... hear me out. He's fat now ... so is it possible that he looks to compulsive eating as a coping mechanism? Far-fetched, I know ...

- An analogy. Asian reporter Tricia Tanaka :
Asian Reporter Tricia Takanawa :: Gary Oldman : ________. Solve at your own risk.

- Not gonna lie:
The meteor scene was pretty excellent.

- Sawyer and Kate's triumphant return to camp is of a piece with the ovation a high school football star receives after coming back from a serious injury. None of them accomplished anything particularly remarkable ... but
God are they good-looking.

- Stupid popular kids.

Vincent. Air Bud. Who would win in a dogfight? Yeah, the kind with planes.


- Pat's one-sentence take on this episode's the series' overall theme: "People who can't change finally change! Or do they? Yes! Or do they? Yes! Maybe! Repeat."

- The restaurant where Sayid gets nabbed is called Le Jardin Croissant Fertile. Agh.

- To be honest, I just don't really care about the
Mikhail plotline. (Peep that picture's filename.)

- Via this episode's
'Cultural References' section:

Paulo calls Sawyer "hillbilly", a pejorative term for people who live in remote rural areas and are supposedly ignorant.

Sawyer calls Paulo "Zorro", a fictional costumed hero known for his Spanish heritage and sword fighting skills.

Sawyer calls Hurley "Avalanche", a super heavyweight professional wrestler from the 1980's.

What, you think I don't know who Avalanche is?

COMING RIGHT UP: Only The Cure understands Claire.
SHORT WAIT: Find out how Locke became paralyzed. Speed painting mishap?

Monday, March 12, 2007

A little whine and a moan

Gone bowling with Lily Allen. BRB.