Tuesday, March 28, 2006

You could surely try to be more alive




A few years ago, I was taking your basic college Intro to Western Civilization course. My professor was one of my all-time faves. He opened every class with ridiculously vulgar jokes, and tossed out Cheroots to anyone who answered questions correctly. When test time came, he divided us into two groups and we played "Review Jeopardy," during which he provided us with questions found verbatim on the exams. He also chainsmoked and had Tourette's, but I digress.

Our one big assignment for the semester was to write a research paper on a notable figure born in any time period past the year 1400. From the first day of class on, I thought I had shit in the bag: I planned to hand in a high school paper I wrote about Charlemagne. The night before the paper was due, I realized something: Charlemagne was born in in 742. Fuck.


I immediately scrambled over to the library to get sources for a new paper. I glossed over about a dozen shelf sections, but couldn't decide on a topic. I got so frustrated that I ended up grabbing about 10 books on
Edmund Burke, a dude about whom I knew absolutely nothing. In retrospect, I'm not exactly sure why I didn't do someone easy like FDR. Regardless, I crammed a shitload of shit into my head, wrote the paper and got an A. To this day, I don't know why I picked Edmund Burke, and I certainly don't remember the first thing about dude's life. That's a dope picture of him though, no?

Check the A Mo weeping montage linked over at Philebrity. Brilliant.

I somehow managed to scrape my way up to fifth place in our lil' NCAA pool (actually fourth, because I have no clue who the dude in number one is, and he paid no entry fee). I'm a dunce when it comes to numbers, so I'm not exactly sure if I'm mathematically eliminated from placing in the top three just yet. I have the feeling that I am; then again, I haven't even looked at anyone else's brackets, so I wouldn't know. Good piece on how a guy correctly predicted the Final Four by mistake (meant to send George Washington all the way, but picked Mason). You bastard.

Dhani Jones pinched for rejoicing/being glad. I wonder if the arresting officers felt bad, considering that bowtied black men are generally embraced by the media.

For Firefox nerds/nerds in general/me: check the ASCII logo.

Some more slummin' for the Chestnut Hill Local: unremarkable coverage of a typical CH adult temper tantrum yellfest (more on this annoyance at a later date). Also, baseball's back.

I acquired a copy of "One Shining Moment" yesterday, mostly due to the fact that Michelle had never heard it before. What a bizarre tradition.

Drew knows about Chewbacca Blog. Boss Kyle knows about Tressel's World. I know about knowing sick people.

If you can come up with a three-page screenplay, contact this dude. Before you do, though, take a look at his suggested topics (especially the third one). If anyone attempts to swing this, please let me know. I'd be interested in reading it.

A couple City Paper jawners: Cafe Kink and Muay Thai. Something got lost during the editing process of the first one (marimbas aren't really strummed), but it's cool.

Cue up the most depressing story ever.

This is far harder than I thought it'd be. Perhaps it was just my half-Asian arrogance talking, I don't know. If you seriously score well, I salute you.

I picked up this site in class. I could play with that for hours, and I don't even know how to make a website. I have one due next week, though. I'll figure it out.

In case you've been lost in the desert for the past week (no Hebrew)--Snakes On A Plane trailer. Y'all see when Samuel L. randomly hits that white guy with a snake? Or when he laser-tazers the snake in the fucking face? I'm not sure if SOAP garnered all this publicity on its own as a result of its utterly redonkulous nature, or if all the attention is a result of masterfully executed PR schematics. Either way, I'm first in line to see Kenan Thompson die this shit.

Peep a release I wrote on Dr. Vivienne Angeles, a former teacher of mine at La Salle.

I didn't know what to make of Waterboy until I noticed that it's a Burning Man thing. Stupid hippies.

MLB 2K6 will feature music from Belle and Sebastian, Guided By Voices, Interpol, Pavement and Yo La Tengo, among others. What, no Daddy Yankee Carlos Ponce? Don't you know that Vlad Guerrero can't work under Ponce-less conditions? Vlad will be mad. In other baseball news, I caught Lou taking notes for his fantasy team while watching SportsCenter yesterday. Haha.

Look for me in the latest DIW, will you?

I've read about a million different articles dealing with the Isaac Hayes/South Park controversy, and about 999,998 of them have used some form of the phrase "thinly veiled satire." Get your descriptive adverbial phrase game right.

Old but cold (like Iceberg Slim cold, not leftover soup cold)--Candace Parker dunks. Great for you, Candy. Can I call you that?

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Decent days and nights


Adam celebrates after another successful Xbox
Live Halo session. BFF JJ provided adequate but
underwhelming defensive cover

I've been writing lil' Okayplayer album reviews for awhile now, and I've listened to my fair share of shitty albums. But this has to be the absolute worst, hands down. When I do this shit I usually sit with the big headphones, give each track a fair chance, jot down some incoherent thoughts, write some shit up and call it a day. But this album, man...not cool, Martian Colony. Not cool. This Blogcritics review I found solidified my disdain twice over. Look at that fucking picture. Good god. Read down below, too: the writer is apparently the music editor of BC, but in her free time she likes to create romantic vampire fiction. Nice to know I'm not alone.

Oh yeah, here's a Pedro review.

Isaac Hayes quits South Park, citing the show's "intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs." Have you had the chance to catch an episode in the past 10 years or so, Ike? While their "if we make fun of everybody, it's cool" approach is a bit flimsy, at least they stick to it. There's no doubt that his decision has everything to do with dudes shitting on Scientology. Anyone could tell you that Parker and Stone are notably conservative, and I strongly disagree with many of their moral stances, no matter how silly they get when presenting them (the Harbucks vs. Tweek's dad's coffee shop episode comes to mind here). But their goal has always been to create a biting, satirical, shit-on-the-world product that rarely (if ever) meanders from their personal politics. I can appreciate their tenacity, especially since liberal Hollywood wins the Oscar for "easiest target in the world that's never shot at." Screw that can't-end-with-a-preposition rule.

Apparently this is a comic book, but it's now being turned into a TV pilot starring my fave Paul Giamatti. Supporting cast seems excellent as well. Doesn't this just seem like most ridiculous premise ever? Looking forward to it.

My team is doing very well in the off-season thus far: re-signing Jamal and Bart Scott and inking up Mike Anderson. I'm not exactly sure what the running back sitch is going to be like for the upcoming season, but it should be interesting. A lot of people blamed J's shitty '05 season on the incarceration and injury, but every time I watched him run I got the impression he was acting out, just doing the bare minimum because he was unhappy with his contract. Now that his starting job is up in the air, maybe he'll (at least try to) have another marquee year. If not, send in Mikey. Now, if we could just cop a quarterback that's not Kyle Boller.

My dude Gerard, who goes to St. Joe's, had a crazy anecdote for me just the other day. He was on his way to school when he learned that all classes had been cancelled. Security intentionally triggered a fire alarm, evacuating one of the buildings on campus. Why? They suspected that a bike stuck in a rack outside the door was an explosive device. What gave them this impression? A subtle sticker that read "this bike is a pipe bomb." I don't want to slip into a hackneyed competence rant (would a terrorist really label his bomb that clearly?), so I'll move on to the good bit: This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb is a "folk-punk" band from Pensacola. The same exact sticker caused an identical incident at Ohio University. Unbelievable. That's some savvy PR on that band's part; they're getting their name out there by playing into everyone's terrorism-induced neuroses. Good job. I think.

Kanye (who wears his superstardom lightly) compares Arctic Monkeys to Genesis (?!). (thanks Adam Riff™)

My dudes at The Foundation hopefully managed to build interest at the Core DJs Retreat in H-Town. Check them on MySpace or at their official site here; updates (including one or two shit pieces my me) should be online very soon. In case you don't know--it's the first full-length magazine dealing exclusively with mixtapes.

This Blinding Absence of Light is the most depressing, disturbing book I've ever read. Foreal. It makes Night look like a fucking Goosebumps book. I was tempted to include that in the review, but then I remembered this thing called taste.

The new Chris Guest movie seems excellent, if you disregard the fact that Claire Forlani's in it.

FCC levies a record fine against CBS for depicting a "sex orgy" on Without A Trace. It's far too tiring/tired to even begin complaining about the commission's puritanical grandstanding; what struck me the most was that the episode in question aired in December 2004. I don't know if the delay was a merely a result of bureaucratic inefficiency, or if it genuinely took that long to calculate how much money they wanted. Either way, it's on some bullshit; it reminds me of when you get in arguments with your friends and they bring up some misgiving or poor decision you made in middle school. It's simply not relevant anymore. The worst of it is that all 111 CBS affiliates are also being held fiscally responsible. The fuck? They're being punished for following orders from the All-Seeing Eye--do they even have a choice in the matter? This shit stinks real bad.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Nice day for a sulk


See you in hell, motherfuckers

Cheers to the long-overdue end of a ridiculous era (via Philebrity).

Looking forward to the Crescent City opening on Friday. Just don't call their shit Cajun, or they'll toss cayenne in your pupils.

Project Runway's Tim Gunn vs. Tony Soprano.

Heard about this on the radio, and it was also linked over at the Tightened Corset. Distiller says he's doing it "purely for fun." Know this--as soon as the shit hits Irish shelves, the United Kingdom will be set on fire, an eternal flame spanning several countries (I'm talking to you, Wales). Related: Lou just got back from a spring break trip to the Emerald Isle. Go encourage him to post something.

Read up on Steve Blake's nickname. Never pegged him as a fan of British Romanticism. I always just thought he resembled Tim McVeigh, who, like William Blake, was a staunch libertarian. I smell hackneyed Da Vinci Code rip-off. Who's in?

My March Madness pool is officially, uh, official. We've already got a good amount of kids signed up, and more are on the way. I definitely don't foresee myself winning, but it's still going to be a lot of fun. If we go to school together, feel free to submit a bracket; it's a $10 buy-in (it'd be cool to include non-Philly area/MD in the fray, but that'd be a logstical nightmare in terms of fundage). Then again, PayPal is a wondrous thing.

Philly Writers collective. I can't come up with an interesting fiction idea to save my sordid life, but if I could, I would compare it stuff linked here to reaffirm how much I blow.

Came across the now-infamous
Daily Orange article calling McNamara overrated (hopefully it'll link without asking for registration; it's gone both ways for me). I wonder how many times Ethan's been burned in on-campus effigy since G hit that shot the shot against the Bearcats. Poor kid.

Will over at Nastack hasn't updated in nearly a month. Where's he at? Bring it back, dude.

Through The Fire was good. No Season On The Brink, but decent nonetheless (no Knight School). A few reviews made me think that it might be difficult to symphathize with Bassy, but the docu proved me wrong. You can't help but root for him in spite of his penchant for erratic behavior and ridiculously white teeth. After all, kid was barely 18 when Fire was filmed. And, although he's similar to Josh Hartnett in that it's almost unrealistic to believe that he's aged, he's living his damn life at a Jack-like pace. I had no idea he pulled a Ray-Allen-under-the-boardwalk-with-Rosario back in January.

Emynd with good Free Darko post re: the nature of improvisation.

ESPN posted a sample Wonderlic Test. I'm not going to lie--I had trouble with #13 and #11.

Old list of worst/best analogies ever found at CH Notebook. I sincerely admire some of these, especially "he was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree." Genius.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Get it right, get it tight



Ah, crap. Sorry about the hiatus, it's just been tough for me to write here this past week. I really had some quasi-interesting things to bring up, but my brain has lost 'em since then. Here are now-irrelevant links.

School newspaper is
finally online. Stupid article about Facebook. Even stupider picture of me on the main page.

Nguyen is retiring? Say it ain't so, Dat.

Apartment hunting sucks. I've trekked all around the city in the past week looking at different places, most of which were already claimed between the time I scheduled the showing and the time I got there. Hopefully I will be able to find something decent very soon. In the meantime, I finally applied/was approved for a real-life credit card so I can start racking up debt rocking the history. I've just been using my Wachoff check card up until this point. My first purchase was a "Buy It Now!" Guns n' Roses shirt off eBay. It's for emergencies.


I really enjoyed
Bol's post on KRS-One and this dude who wrote some on-point shit about him. It was also refreshing to see that the always laughable Busy Bee was involved with the whole thing. One time, I read an interview with him where he insisted that since he "started" everthing, dudes like Jay-Z should give him money. That's bullshit. You never saw George Mikan (RIP) hassling Shaq for pocket change. Just found this out: Mikan's parents were Croatian. Even though he was born here, that means the NBA's first superstar was also the NBA's first (kinda) Euro.

I watched
16 Blocks the other night. That shit sucked.

Silk City is closing sometime around April 2. I'm not really upset about it.

Yanni arrested for assaulting his girlfriend (thanks Heath). Most Onion-esque real news story ever.

I recently discovered
a blog that's offering alternative takes on the bizarre saga of the Chestnut Hill Local, that paper I've written for a bit. Don't know who John Lombardi is, but I'm liking what he's doing. It's too long and involved of a story to tell here, but to those who haven't heard about it, here's a synopsis: the paper is owned/published by the CH community association, a body that seems to have some issues with what the paper prints. Last year, the EIC and associate editor resigned in protest (although there is massive speculation regarding whether or not they were "forced" out). It gets way more back-door-dealin' crazy, but that's the gist. Since then, the paper has been a shell of its former self, and I've written a few high school basketball articles. I'm probably not helping that much.

Philadelphia Jacks is NOT a this kind of jacks club. Check the obviously-made-up quote from Justice Scalia.

Crazy article highlighting experiments to measure altruism in babies. I don't know where they scrounged up these tots, because every baby I've ever met hasn't been helpful at all. They can't even talk right, it's annoying.

Trapper Juan...in the
Kalamazoo Gazette?

Big brawl at La Salle makes
USA Today. What, no infographic? A pox on y'all. My team somehow blew it against Fordham yesterday, too.

Thanks to Siwek, I now have unfettered access to a video of "Babysittin' Blues" from
Adventures In Babysitting, aka that 80's Elisabeth Shue flick where Vincent D'ONofrio plays a mechanic who is actually Thor.

The fellas at
Adam Riff™ compile some painfully provinicial opinions of Dave Chapelle's Block Party. You gotta love Ebert's honesty ("There is an audience for rap and, let's face it, I am not a member of that audience") as well as the fact that in the full review, he calls hip-hop nihilistic and points out that Kanye "wears his superstardom lightly." Love it. Of course, this post is from a minute ago, and Riffers have since moved on to more pressing issues.