Monday, November 13, 2006

Longest bathroom break ever


........

And I'm back. Feelin' good.

I was checking out the Wiki page for
The Wire the other day, and I came across the character summary for Snoop, who's obviously the gulliest member of Marlo's squad. (See the episode where she fucking shot some dudes just because they didn't know who Young Leek was? Amazing.) Apparently, Stephen King's a fan of the show, and considers her "perhaps the most terrifying female to ever appear in a television series." A pretty serious endorsement, considering that it's coming from the guy who wrote, uh, you know.

Shudder.


Is anyone else seriously unnerved by Stephen King? My most vivid thoughts of him pertain to the time he got
ran over by a van, and just acted real bitter about the shit, going so far as to buy the van and tell Terry Gross that he wanted to pulverize it with a sledgehammer. C'mon King, people get hit by cars all the time. For example, in the past two weeks, two of our esteemed bike-riding City Paper interns were in vehicular mishaps of some consequence. Will got rocked by a cab door, and Sam was just run the fuck over. The driver gave Sam $20 and a bag of pretzels to make up for his carelessness.

Ever hear the one about how Cowboys wideout coach Todd Haley's wife and babysitter "became violently ill and endured long-lasting physical injuries" after eating a McDonald's salad
with a "roof rat" in it? It's a doozy. I have no idea why the Philly sports media didn't pick up on this more; it seems to be the perfect vehicle for Dallas-bashin'. This shit would've never happened if they hadn't done away with salad shakers.

I heart pit bulls, so I was searching for, ahem, cute pit bull puppy videos on YouTube the other day. Getthefuckoutmyface. Anyway, I found
this clip. It's kinda long (you know YouTube has permanently tainted your concept of brevity when 4:25 is long), but please take note of the melodramatic captioning/horrible Evanescence song juxtaposed with pictures of funny, funny dogs.

Shoutout to
Nick Norlen for bringing They Live to my attention. 1) Why haven't I seen this movie before? 2) Where can I get this movie? 3) Who is watching this movie with me once I get this movie? Also, Nick has the distinction of being the only person who can make me feel legitimately bad about enjoying Deal Or No Deal, which I'm totally watching right now. The current contestant is some obnoxious cop with a horrible NY accent that looks a lot like John Rocker. He's the first person I've ever wholeheartedly rooted against.

So the frat guys skewered in
Borat are now suing 20th Century Fox, claiming that he/they made 'em look stupid. For the record, Borat did not force you, against your will, to suggest that the country would be a better place if slavery was reinstated. That was all y'all.

Two earthshattering discoveries via the dregs of MySpace:
1 2

Lastly, be sure to holler at the good people of
The Foundation. They're on the up and up and up. Also, I write a bit for them. Shh.

4 comments:

Steve said...

They Live is an absolute triumph...


...and yea, stop watching Deal or No Deal.


I mean...c'mon.

Jon said...

That's the gayest picture of Lance Reddick I've ever seen.

mc said...

holy crap will you go see the evil dead musical with me for xmas??? tis the season...

Rick said...

Juan, about King .... you do know that he's written 2 books about evil cars, don't you? And the guy driving the van who hit him claimed that his dog caused him to swerve & hit King. You do know that he wrote a book about an evil dog, don't you? See, that's 2 of King's fictional monsters come to life to try & take him down... so no, I don't blame him for wanting to pulverize the car & I'll bet he wanted the dog put down, too! A guy with a mind for all that horror must be pretty superstitious, wouldn't ya think?