Sunday, July 16, 2006

The motherload.

If you know me, you know that I'm obsessed with MacGyver. Seriously obsessed. I watched the show religiously as a kid, much to the chagrin of my dad, who argued that it was unrealistic that a man with such a mastery of empirical processes also possessed a gorgeous mane. I generally agreed with him, but stayed quiet about it due to the fact that I secretly wished MacGyver was my father.

I have the first three seasons on DVD, and I'm upset by the fact that I don't yet own four through six, because that's when Murdoc starts showing up. Also, I had a shitty Muzak version of the MacGyver theme song as my ringtone for about a year. Since that phone was accidentally put through a wash cycle broke, I've been unable to locate this tone, and it breaks my little biracial heart.

Ah yes: I recently had a bonafide MacGyver moment of my own. And it fucking ruled. At 4am, after returning home from dropping off a friend, I realized Michelle had locked the chain on the door from the inside, making my entry impossible. Or so I thought. After several failed attempts at pushing the chain off its track with my keys, a rolled-up flier and a marker (don't ask me why I had a marker), the gears in my head started turning...slowly. "WWRDAD?" I wondered. Out loud. Fuck it all, it was 4am.

Suddenly, it hit me, like a dinner cart propelled by the force of several devalved liquid nitrogen tanks. I removed one of my shoelaces, reached behind the door, and tied a knot through one of the chain's links. Then, I looped the shoelace on top of the door, shut it almost completely, and yanked it lengthwise. The chain came undone, and I rushed into my apartment like a champ. I attempted to wake up Michelle to inform her of my exploits, but she didn't seem that impressed. I later learned that she had locked the chain because she was pissed at me.

All of these things considered, it's straight-up blasphemous that I never thought to search YouTube for MacGyver-related clips. Until now. Embedded below are just a few of the treasure-in-National Treasure-caliber things I discovered. I'm saving the rest for a rainy day that will most likely take place tomorrow next week. Brace for the smooth taste.

This clip is one of the main reasons why I would totally vote Mac in 2008. He cares about us, so much so that he wants to us to be ready for diarrhea.

Here's just one of a series of advertisements RDA did for some Taiwanese sports drink. It's entirely obvious that he does not know tai chi, but I doubt that the Taiwanese gave a rip--it's all about the white sweatpants/white socks/white sneakers combination, y'all.

1 comment:

GonzoMC said...

Dude, your MacGuyver moment was pure genius. I can't imagine how you were thinking that clearly at 4 a.m. Maybe that's the key though. Unbeknownst to admiring fans like you, RDA did all of his shows wasted in the middle of the night. YES!