Thursday, July 13, 2006

Bits 'n' Pizzas

For years, La Salle University's Student Union food court had a stand called "Dual Carbs." It offered crappy, greasy, undercooked pizza and sketchy dinner fare like potatoes au gratin and pre-frozen "crab cakes."

When the Atkins craze landed, "Dual Carbs" went the way of the leopard print scrunchie/brontosaurus, and the nervous breakdown-inducing "Bits 'n' Pizzas" was ushered in. Their pizza, of course, continued to suck. Today's post possesses a tad of BnP
espirit, however, as this portion consists of a random samplage of weird shit friends have sent me recently. Thanks to everyone.


Zizou headbutt. Medium: Legos. (courtesy of Nick Norlen)

- Wilford Brimley & Diabeetis: it's the motherfuckin' remix! (courtesy of Kyle; Part 1; created here)

- Johns Hopkins 'shrooms study is a resounding success. Two-thirds of participants ranked the experience "one of the five top most meaningful experiences of their lives"..."I think it's time to pick up this research field," says some labcoat. Totally, bro. I'm on The Wall duty. (courtesy of Gerard)

- A Texas school district bans grillz (yes, they spell it like that), infringing upon a student's divine right to cause a cold front when he/she takes a deep breath. What's more shocking--the fact that 69 percent of poll voters cast a "thumbs down" to grillz, or this? Is that you, Hilary Duff? (courtesy of Caitlyn)

- Action Cats! Ignore all the disturbing comments ("I love it, beats collecting beanies any day!") and just watch it. My favorite is "Laser Gal," for obvious reasons. (courtesy of Kibby)

- Notes on "Sweet Child O' Mine," as Delivered to Axl Rose by His Editor. "You'd hide in a place that reminded you of hair? Never show me such phrases again." (courtesy of Kibby)

- Cherry Hill's idyllic Utopia Exotic Suites, complete with J. Peterman-esque room writeups. I recommend reading all of them. (courtesy of...Kibby. Wait, shouldn't you be helping the youth find employment or something?)

********

Michelle does more crossword puzzles than Mike Mussina, so the Inky comics section is always quick-glance accessible. Every day, I ask her if Family Circus is funny. And every day, she answers the same way: no. Of course it's not fucking funny. It's the worst one-panel in the history of the artform, so much so that I often dream up sordid captions to replace Bil Keane's crap dialogue, which he still totally concocts on a Truman-era typewriter in his musty den. Long story short, I'm glad someone else feels the same way.

Ever since I mentioned it in a comment the other day, I've grown quite nostalgic over
Hugo's House of Horrors, a game I purchased on 3.5" disk for like, five bucks at my childhood video rental store in shitty bucolic Harford County, Maryland. I freaked when I discovered that I could download not just the first, but all three Hugo titles at the DOS Games Archive, for free. I love the Internet. I highly recommend that everyone get the game and play it. It's brilliant.

Chuck Klosterman manages to turn a column on Snakes On A Plane into a thinkpiece on feedbag populism. "True story: My friend Jenny is in law school, and one of her classmates went to a movie in April. When the coming attractions started, the first image was of dozens of unsuspecting plane passengers sitting in the cabin of an airborne 757. The moment he saw this, the mischievous law student yelled, "Snakes on a plane!" presumably to amuse and unify the other patrons. Unfortunately, this turned out to be a trailer for United 93, which significantly reduced the hilarity of his outburst."

Your boy's at it again, soiling this week's City Paper with refuse disguised as acceptable copy:

- Get pizza and beer at the same time, Rahzel-like.
- Get confused by the Late Cord's "My Most Meaningful Relationships Are With Dead People."
- Get, uh...transmuted (?) at Philly's upcoming Alchemy Conference.

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