Thursday, June 01, 2006

Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination



Above (no, not the little one): title of a Spam mail I received yesterday (only slightly less of a mindfuck than Jon's). I didn't open it because it had an attachment, but I really, really wanted to.

This past Saturday, I went to the Philly regional qualifiers for the Nathan's Famous hotdog eating contest (wrote it up here). To no one's surprise, Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas completely obliterated the competition, eating 36 1/2 dogs in 12 minutes. The contest itself was a lot of fun, but I gleaned the most enjoyment from reading a magazine these PETA protestors gave me after all the eatin' was done. Upon opening it, I discovered a two-page spread featuring quotes from veg celebrities explaining why they don't eat meat. A few of the comments are relatively eloquent, and I guess as effective as a celebrity PETA quote can be (shoutout to James Cromwell). Most, however...

Josh Hartnett: "I gave up meat when I was 12...One day I was cutting up a chicken for my mom, and I hit a tumor with the knife. There was [pus] and blood all over the place. That was enough for me."
To me, the bracketed [pus] rings highly suspect. Who knows what he said foreal? My guess: [fun size Snickers].

Masta Killa (yes, that Masta Killa): "Whatever you ate before that you loved--like turkey slices--they've got a substitute now that's not hard to find."

Don't know why, but I would've never pegged dude as a turkey slice guy. Master of the Butterball rapture, coming atcha.

Casey Affleck: "Imagine living in a cage in the dark, unable to move, day after day. The suffering of today's American farm animals is almost beyond belief. They don't have a choice, but you do, and their lives depend on it."

Wait...who are you again? Oh, Ben's brother, right...you were in what now? Drowning Mona? Oh...cool. Well, thanks for coming out.

Constance Marie: "I stopped eating meat about six years ago, when I was working on the movie Selena. During the shoot, I had to hold a chicken for five hours--if you hold it and feel its little heart beating for hours, you just can't think about eating it."

It's been three days awhile since I last watched Selena, but I don't recall the scene where Constance Marie held a chicken. The only part I remember vividly is after Selena's manager caps her, and she's sitting in the car surrounded by cops going "I want to talk to my mother..."

Pamela Anderson: "Chickens, pigs, and other animals--they are interesting individuals with personalities and intelligence."

Yes, Barb Wire just referred to chickens as "individuals." Brace for shark jump in three, two...

Sir Paul McCartney: "If anyone wants to save the planet, all they have to do is just stop eating meat...It's staggering when you think about it. Vegetarianism takes care of so many things in one shot: ecology, famine, cruelty."

I really want to balk at Sir Paul's suggestion that me going veg will end global hunger, but I know he's currently busy staving off a certain someone's whorish/pathetic PR attempts. Good luck with all that, man.

********

On-point analysis of U(nderachieving)Conn basketball.

So yeah, I made "The Touch" my MySpace page song (don't worry, I didn't set it to start automatically, although I must insist that you click play). Screw it, watch the video. Best five minutes of my life I've ever spent. "Cool music video" doesn't even begin to describe it...

Read this cast list. Just read it.

A few others from this week's CP (be sure to read the cover story, too, it's the balls):

Sumo
Wolfmother (anyone else going to see 'em Sunday?)
Watering Hole: Chaucer's (And oh, here's "Jabberwocky"...make flashcards or something)

"If you can't read, if you can't say the word cheese, how can I communicate with you - and why should I have to bend?" Uhh...fif.

Free Darko rips on everyone's favorite baby-faced defensive specialist. I always like to peruse the comments section here; where else are you going to find the phrase "banal mush mouthed egalitarian politico-moral fetishism" (foreal) employed in reference to a post on Raja Bell?

One more time, here's a much less intimidating URL for Pete's site, Static Ink. I think I've told you this before, man, but you have one hell of a superhero alter ego name. Peter Havens? I'm totally playing the "told you so" card as soon as you start using your Pete-arang to swing from building to building.

1 comment:

Steve said...

That transformer's video is genius.