Tuesday, March 28, 2006

You could surely try to be more alive




A few years ago, I was taking your basic college Intro to Western Civilization course. My professor was one of my all-time faves. He opened every class with ridiculously vulgar jokes, and tossed out Cheroots to anyone who answered questions correctly. When test time came, he divided us into two groups and we played "Review Jeopardy," during which he provided us with questions found verbatim on the exams. He also chainsmoked and had Tourette's, but I digress.

Our one big assignment for the semester was to write a research paper on a notable figure born in any time period past the year 1400. From the first day of class on, I thought I had shit in the bag: I planned to hand in a high school paper I wrote about Charlemagne. The night before the paper was due, I realized something: Charlemagne was born in in 742. Fuck.


I immediately scrambled over to the library to get sources for a new paper. I glossed over about a dozen shelf sections, but couldn't decide on a topic. I got so frustrated that I ended up grabbing about 10 books on
Edmund Burke, a dude about whom I knew absolutely nothing. In retrospect, I'm not exactly sure why I didn't do someone easy like FDR. Regardless, I crammed a shitload of shit into my head, wrote the paper and got an A. To this day, I don't know why I picked Edmund Burke, and I certainly don't remember the first thing about dude's life. That's a dope picture of him though, no?

Check the A Mo weeping montage linked over at Philebrity. Brilliant.

I somehow managed to scrape my way up to fifth place in our lil' NCAA pool (actually fourth, because I have no clue who the dude in number one is, and he paid no entry fee). I'm a dunce when it comes to numbers, so I'm not exactly sure if I'm mathematically eliminated from placing in the top three just yet. I have the feeling that I am; then again, I haven't even looked at anyone else's brackets, so I wouldn't know. Good piece on how a guy correctly predicted the Final Four by mistake (meant to send George Washington all the way, but picked Mason). You bastard.

Dhani Jones pinched for rejoicing/being glad. I wonder if the arresting officers felt bad, considering that bowtied black men are generally embraced by the media.

For Firefox nerds/nerds in general/me: check the ASCII logo.

Some more slummin' for the Chestnut Hill Local: unremarkable coverage of a typical CH adult temper tantrum yellfest (more on this annoyance at a later date). Also, baseball's back.

I acquired a copy of "One Shining Moment" yesterday, mostly due to the fact that Michelle had never heard it before. What a bizarre tradition.

Drew knows about Chewbacca Blog. Boss Kyle knows about Tressel's World. I know about knowing sick people.

If you can come up with a three-page screenplay, contact this dude. Before you do, though, take a look at his suggested topics (especially the third one). If anyone attempts to swing this, please let me know. I'd be interested in reading it.

A couple City Paper jawners: Cafe Kink and Muay Thai. Something got lost during the editing process of the first one (marimbas aren't really strummed), but it's cool.

Cue up the most depressing story ever.

This is far harder than I thought it'd be. Perhaps it was just my half-Asian arrogance talking, I don't know. If you seriously score well, I salute you.

I picked up this site in class. I could play with that for hours, and I don't even know how to make a website. I have one due next week, though. I'll figure it out.

In case you've been lost in the desert for the past week (no Hebrew)--Snakes On A Plane trailer. Y'all see when Samuel L. randomly hits that white guy with a snake? Or when he laser-tazers the snake in the fucking face? I'm not sure if SOAP garnered all this publicity on its own as a result of its utterly redonkulous nature, or if all the attention is a result of masterfully executed PR schematics. Either way, I'm first in line to see Kenan Thompson die this shit.

Peep a release I wrote on Dr. Vivienne Angeles, a former teacher of mine at La Salle.

I didn't know what to make of Waterboy until I noticed that it's a Burning Man thing. Stupid hippies.

MLB 2K6 will feature music from Belle and Sebastian, Guided By Voices, Interpol, Pavement and Yo La Tengo, among others. What, no Daddy Yankee Carlos Ponce? Don't you know that Vlad Guerrero can't work under Ponce-less conditions? Vlad will be mad. In other baseball news, I caught Lou taking notes for his fantasy team while watching SportsCenter yesterday. Haha.

Look for me in the latest DIW, will you?

I've read about a million different articles dealing with the Isaac Hayes/South Park controversy, and about 999,998 of them have used some form of the phrase "thinly veiled satire." Get your descriptive adverbial phrase game right.

Old but cold (like Iceberg Slim cold, not leftover soup cold)--Candace Parker dunks. Great for you, Candy. Can I call you that?

2 comments:

GonzoMC said...

Hey buddy, I totally read some Edmund Burke last year, Reflections on the Revolution in France, one of his most well-known works, I think. Dude was mad prolific and varied in his learnedness. Also, I was just trying to find that All Look Same site yesterday, cause I was telling a friend about it. I remember trying that shit like 3 years ago, and it was hard as balls. I am under the impression they purposely pick ambiguous or deceiving examples. Finally, I'm glad to see you getting published so much, it really makes me feel good to see Collegian peeps make a splash in the local market. I hope you keep it up. Anything in the works job-wise for next year? Alright, longest comment ever is officially over.

Drew said...

I remember when St. John dunked in high school and the gym erupted. He dunked over a kid one time and seven people wet themselves. I bet the same thing happened in that women's game, except St. John was in high school and they're in college.

Please don't tell Candy I said that. She might pummel me.