Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The moral's I'm immortal



I'm definitely going to do this "five disturbing things about yourself" sometime soon, but it's really hard to narrow it all down when you're this deluded. Lo siento, Liz.

Check Heath, who just started over at Of The Wasteland (so many consecutive prepositions).

Coachella lineup seems so hot this year.

It's been seen by any and all, but there's no Rothlisberger like a drunk Rothlisberger. I like how his shirt advises to "drink like a champion today." It's like some Christian personal affirmation shit, but for bearded boozehounds. Can't deny that guy is a winner, but several things will keep me from every really liking dude. First off, he speaks with a blaccent, which in reality is not that uncommon. The problem is his inconsistency. Sometimes, he lays it on thicker than J. Will haggling at a swap meet (Fathead commercial/when Hines is around), while other times he rocks the hard-to-tell-whether-or-not-he-digs-NASCAR shit. People claim it's just a "Southern twang," but dude is from Ohio. I know they have regional speech tendencies, but not like that. The other thing that bars me from ever sticking Ben's borderline homoerotic lifesize vinyl likeliness on my bedroom wall is a terrible occurence at a bar back before the new year. The Steelers were playing on MNF. Benny tosses this bomb to somebody, and the 'Burgh fans erupted in drunken dude cheering. Then, all of a sudden, a girl wearing a baby-sized Rothlisberger jersey screams "GOOOO ROTH-BERGER!" at the top of her lungs, at a near-rape whistle volume level. I still don't really know what to make of it today.

Can't really be salty towards Hinesie for crying a lot--his story has Lifetime movie starring Ziyi Zhang before she was famous written all over it. I'm sure they'd find a way to work Pat Morita into there, too. Blog expands on it a little bit.

I listened to/reviewed Slay's Look Both Ways Before You Cross Me the other day and shit's not bad at all. Aside from Jim Jones hosting the entire effort (Jimmy like talky), shit manages to feature a few alright moments. Faves include Cam/Juelz track where In The Flesh makes his partner look foolish, a Fishscale leak and some sort of Grambling State marching band-type Cassidy song. I consistently hate/hate on Cassidy, but slightly feel him on this nonetheless. Tracks forthcoming, hopefully. Wrote it up for these dudes, so check them (don't think that the Slay piece is up on there just yet).

The (fake) story that succinctly descibes my entire life.

Anyone catch this on MTV this past Monday? 'Twas amazingly funny, especially for something created by Axe.

Hello, my name is Drew and I feel terrible that you're being completely serious.

I've been rocking to "Check On It" in the car for awhile now (it's only a guilty pleasure if you feel guilty), but could never nail down what the shit Beyonce was saying at the very end of the chorus. Lou, of all people, pointed out that it is something to the effect of "dip it, pop it, twerk it, stop it," which couldn't make more sense. Thanks man. This shit would normally ruin my opinion of the music because I have a problem with imperative lyrics--I just don't like anyone (especially Fat Man Scoop) telling me what to do through the power of song. Beyonce can, though, because her song is an incurably listenable disease that perpetuates symptoms every five minutes when I'm driving.

There is something very creepy and insincere about the kids on Welch's juice commercials. They're far too well-spoken and doe-eyed and seem to be fully aware that they're acting. The fuck? They probably all have headshots and agents and are developing civil suits against their moms already. Go eat some bugs and crap in the woods or something, because you've been robbed of your childhood.

Anyone who knows me knows that I literally wet myself with sheer excitement when I saw this during the game. Still haven't cleaned it up.

5 comments:

kibby said...

I agree that the Mastercard commercial is amazing. I watched the game (i feel wierd even typing that) with ryan and his dad and that commercial was the highlight of my night. Also, Amy seems to think that it indicates that a MacGyver movie is in our near future. Is this true????

Steve said...

What are the chances this leads to Hasbro re-releasing a Beyonce-endorsed Bop-It ?

GonzoMC said...

I totally thought of you as soon as I saw that commercial.

Trebuchet said...

I am also plagued by the dipping, popping, twerking and stopping. I hate this about myself. Thanks for making it seem OK.

Verdict's out for me on the Welch's kids, though. Sometimes I'm sure they're clones, sometimes I'm overcome with the desire to pinch their cheeks. Either way, though, they can really sell grape juice. They make it look SOOO DAMN GOOOD. Hmmm...

d said...

Ever since I read this I've been getting creeped out watching the Welch's commercials. The one I really hate is the girl talking about how everyone looks better with a purple moustache.

I guess I'm not the target market for these commercials as a 20-something single woman deftly afraid of children, but I will state for the record that I have not and will not purchase Welch's grape juice, at least for the foreseeable future.