Saturday, January 14, 2006

I want to always be on film


Corso doing his best Henry Winkler

I've watched a lot of NFL playoff matches and bowl games (mostly the Rose Bowl) in the past few weeks. If I gleaned one thing from all this sedentary activity (other than the fact that Vince Young is good), it's that football commentary is trapped in an irreversible period of decadence. It seems to me that a lot of dudes just don't have anything insightful to say anymore, and would rather rely on Madden-esque boilerplate instead of original/creative thought. The people that first come to mind when gauging the sorry state of pre- and post-game analysis are
Mel Brooks Lee Corso and Aaron Taylor. It should be said that the college commentary game is not even remotely comparable to the NFL approach (it's like sizing up the winners of a county-wide high school science fair with MIT grad students or something). Regardless, it's quite frustrating that they constantly state the obvious, even though saying that is, by nature, stating the obvious.

Before the Rose Bowl, one of Corso's "keys to the game" was that USC "establish the run." I don't claim to possess a
Claytonian grasp on the science of playmaking, but this strikes me as a complete given. When you've got Reggie Bush and LenDale White in the backfield, establishing the run isn't so much a tip as it is the impetus for USC's entire offense. While it's difficult to develop any new thoughts about a team like USC (arguably the most overexposed college football squad in history), is it too much to ask that these dudes sit down with pen and paper for a few hours and come up with some better shit? Then again, I'm not sure if these dudes write their own copy, but still.

Corso strikes me as an over-the-hill senile uncle type that has to be constantly humored by his young nephews (Herbstreit and Palko). Taylor's involvement is more or less sad, like the
KG commercial or the former star tailback returning to his high school to help coach JV games. If there's one shining beacon of credibility, it's ESPN's Sean Salibury. Let me just say that I love the dude. He eschews a varsity-QB-that's-still-nice-to-the-band-geeks persona, and his simply-delivered commentary is shrewd and easy to understand for non-Madden players such as myself. That's not to say that Salisbury is perfect; the flaws in his arguments seem to show up most strongly when he's doing that back-and-forth bit with the aforementioned Clayton. Every time I watch dudes argue, I feel like Clay Money is one quip away from having Salisbury reach through the split-screen and bang his bobblehead on the corner of a coffee table. If I was God (or a network exec), I would research the possibility of melding Salisbury and Clayton into one man, "If They Mated" style, creating an unstoppable T1000-like being that would feature all the duo's strongest characteristics and none of its weakest.

I really respect the writer
here for being the bigger man/woman and not using the all-too-obvious joke in the headline.

Chuck Norris formally responds to the facts of his life. I'm glad he didn't come off too asshole-ish, because I've always thought that he would be a complete douchehandle in real life. If you take a look at Chuck's actual bio, however, you may notice that his real life is almost, if not more, ridiculous than shit like "Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them." Not only is he writing a series of novels set in the Old West, he also taught martial arts to the Osmonds and Bob Barker and started a powerboat racing team called "Popeye Chicken."

South Korean research fabricates an entire
stem cell study. Come on, guys. Similar sentiments regarding James Frey over at Secret Dead Blog.

MLK Day on Monday.
Here's some stuff you can do.

Stephen A. is at it again, being salty towards La Salle's basketball program. I remember when the first rape scandal broke, an employee of the university asked me my opinion of A's scathing criticisms of the administration. I tried to softshoe around the question but eventually ended up just saying that I pretty much agreed with his arguments. She wasn't too happy to hear that. But, with one of the accused threatening to sue the school and the other dropping 34 on a team that outplayed the Explorers a few weeks back, it's difficult not to think that the situation could've been reconciled in a more diplomatic manner. Lou with some La Salle game notes and photos here and here.

Try to get the
last five tubes of Pringles from the dude. It's tough.

OKP review of a stic.man book. Shit was entertaining.

1 comment:

anti-shave said...

I got ONE can of Pringles. How many did you get?