Tuesday, October 04, 2005

And the "Hater of the Year" award goes to...

ME! (you thought I was going to write 'I got the Internet going nuts,' didn't you? Shucks.)

Yes, that's right homies. Apparently, folks kids on the Okayplayer boards were none too pleased with my assessment of the Pumpkinhead album, which I personally didn't think was that great. They took particular umbrage to my closing paragraph, which is as follows:

One of the most irritating aspects of Orange Moon is that we’re reminded at least once every two tracks that Marco Polo is indeed “on production”. While this isn’t inherently a good thing or a bad thing, it certainly evokes thoughts of the neighborhood pool game of the same name. Indeed, the youthful diversion serves as a realistic metaphor for this album: Head’s wading in the deep end with his eyes closed, hoping for his trackmaker to throw him a salvageable beat. Of course, Marco’s not even in the damn water; he’s hitting on big-breasted Suzy Greenfield, cruelly taunting his MC friend while the JV basketball team points and laughs. Fuckin’ asshole.

Someone PLEASE let me know if this sounds like I'm being serious. I'm obviously being a facetious asshole here. People on the boards actually went so far as to suggest that I am a failed rapper who Marco Polo turned down for beats or that I have a personal problem with MP. To be completely honest, I wasn't familiar with the guy prior to hearing this CD; I thought his beats were weak, so I used a little hyperbole to make my point. These people are acting like I have some deep-seeded personal beef with Marco Polo and that's why I'm lashing out. The dude Don even told me that the guy's PUBLICIST e-mailed him and complained! Your boy is (IN)FAMOUS! It's seriously flattering to receive such web hatred. I'm going to copy and paste some of my favorite comments about yours truly right here:

"The guy who did that review is a dick."

This is totally accurate, actually.

"Drew Lazor. is that his rapper name? lol"

Real name, buddy. Laugh out loud!

"It's not even about a bad review, it's about a pointless personal attack by a disgruntled food critic. (do you even like rap music? When I looked for other articles by you, all I found was a very complimentary recipe for fruit muffins). Clearly I'm not the only one who disagrees with "the Lazor's" opinion...did Marco fuck drew's fiance and forget to call?"

So, dude actually took the time to Google my name and found my City Paper "Feeding Frenzy" pieces (none of which involve recipes for fruit muffins, either). I think it's guys like this that keep the blanket term "the unemployable" relevant. And yes, Marco Polo did fuck my fiancee and forget to call. While we're at it, go read my Why? review and start a thread about how writing a food column for my unpaid internship automatically makes any of my opinions on music invalid.

"Drew lazor is a fucking idiot and i hope he runs out of gas on the high way in rush hour."

Emil pointed out that this comment was actually very favorable: "I like how that guy doesn't threaten you (it's more common on messageboards for dudes to be like 'This guy is an idiot and if I saw him on the street I'd fucking sock him!'), but just wishes bad things to happen to you. You've gotta respect his passive approach to negativity."

"i really wanna know who that idiot is (whats his okp handle). not on some i'ma do somethin to him, just so i know who he is."

My handle is "TooBusyToWasteTimeWhiningOnABoard." Also, I'd like to note that this guy is from Houston, so for him to "do something to me," he'd have to get on Travelocity and book a flight.

"drew lazor? lol. somebody fire this guy."

It's hard to get fired for a job you don't get paid for. Now go back to jerking off to your Nelson George essay about the four elements.

Check the dude Will's new-ish hip-hop blog Nastack. Shit is hot and he posts full mixtape downloads on the regular. Also, read his post on the possible Cam'ron/Jay-Z smackfest. Keep it up!

The homey roomie Lou (no Ferrigno) wins the award for sweetest website link ever with this. Shit somehow interprets the HTML of your website (and all the sites you link to) and converts it into a picture of a forest (this is his). Fucking cool. Also from Lou: this amazing comic depiction of feminism.

Australian medical researchers found that film depictions of sex and marijuana use are unrealistic. Study said "there were no depictions of important consequences of unprotected sex such as unwanted pregnancies, HIV or other STDs." In related news, it's been reported that China has a "fairly large population." What movies did these people watch anyway? Obviously not this one. Or this one.

I'm big on Franz Ferdinand, but this interview rubbed me the wrong way. I'd like to assume that the guys are being cheeky and satirical with their comments, but I'm not sure. Read this:

"[The Kinks'] Ray Davies had that great symbiotic relationship between the music and the emotional content of the lyric," Kapranos explains. "Think of 'Waterloo Sunset.' It had all those great backing vocals, and that change of key from major to minor that gives it such soaring poignancy."

Aghh! Come on, man!

A guy called Gonzo from over at Space1026 e-mailed me a link to these sick photos of art installations the "Everest" guys have done in the past. That wave is the shit. Everest exhibit should be really dope...opening reception this Friday, so go if you want to get your Polaroid taken on the apex of the mountain. What a good idea.


kibby said...

That is hilarious!
This comment was my personal favorite: "Drew Lazor. is that his rapper name? lol"
They used the "lol" which automatically invalidates everything that they've ever said. Amazing!

kbizzle said...

i hope your not writing for OKP to make friends

connie said...

they wouldn't be poking so much fun at your name if you stuck with your roots and shit.