Monday, October 31, 2005

H, A, double L O...

Guess what RDA is being
for Halloween? That's right,

Breakestra review at OKP. Album was good, but my review was not. How the fuck did I not notice using some form of the word "music" in each of the first three sentences? Fuck! It might be that I'm being a bit too critical of myself, but I just try to make the shit read as smoothly as possible; for some reason, my editor over there is "unable" to make changes to reviews once the shit is posted, so if I slip up it's pretty much set. Damn.

Genius. Pure, unadulterated genius. Thanks to Paul, who sent me a link that read "The Shining- a Cameron Crowe film."

Nastack with some touching Paul Wall wedding pictures. Since it's nighttime the Champ's mouth is closed in these shots, there is no illumination of the dark, resulting in poor lighting quality. No word on whether or not his valet parking was a star-studded event. Pauly even had a good write-up in the latest XXL, too. I wonder if his wedding song was "The Invasion of the Flat Bootie Bitches" by Too $hort or something. While you're at it, read this post with some good hip-hop rumors (from a spam blog, no less).

Ahh, SEPTA strike. I drove Michelle up to Jamrock Fern Rock today to access the regional rail, as it is the only way she can get to work downtown until SEPTA dudes get healthy health benefits. I've always been "for" worker's right and all, but I guess the situation is completely different when it actually affects you, as opposed to reading about a coal mine strike back in the day or something. I'm going to have to stick n' clutch it down to Old City until it clears up, which is fine- it'll just cost me more. I was listening to the radio when I was driving and a SEPTA employee called in to a morning show to plead her case. Unfortunately, the best shit she could come up with was that SEPTA workers get "coughed on a lot" while working. Way to, uh, not represent. Great piece on the strike from this guy.

French people are probably freaking out right now because of this. Gerry D is in so many damn French movies, I think their entire cinema industry is going to take a dip just due to sheer volume loss. Who's going to be the next Depardieu, anyway? Gimp from Amelie?

Gory pics of Kibby, Brooke and Jenelle mysteriously appear on this Monster Mash-Up flier. They don't even know who made it, either. Weird!

Registered for classes earlier today. I only have one required course left (mass media writing seminar) so I essentially picked three others out of a hat: Web Design, Intro to Forensic Science and Intro to American Studies. Yawp!

I'm slightly obsessed with TV theme songs, so imagine my joy when I saw this.

This weekend, DOT played the dirty "emo" house and it was fun. I thoroughly enjoyed their Pixies and Weezer covers because I was drunk because I...okay, so because I was drunk. Just kidding. Good show, fellas. They were all dressed like greasers too.

"Pictures I Like for a Variety of Reasons."

Catchdubs with this Kanye Music Geek glossary shit. Hot. I know I could find out this stuff from randomly searching online, but then I wouldn't be provided with a direct link to buy Jared Leto's new album (so homo).

G Dub douchin' it up, as per usual. Come on, come at something as clever and insightful as The Onion but don't even speak on Will Parnell's contrived, unfunny impressions of you on SNL? They use the presidential seal on those faux State of the Union skits all day. Get your criticize game right. I like how the White House spokesman mentions that they notify the Chief every time shit is used "inappropriately." Don't know about you, but I find this entirely appropriate. And this.

Ninjas in Sioux Falls! I'm moving there.

Just for good measure, check this picture of Emynd spinning bent as hell. Good shit; sorry I couldn't make it, but I'll be out ironically pretending to like Mary J. mash-up joints sometime soon.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I say my name a lot, but I bring pain a lot

OKP review of the new Cunnilynguists record. I would be lying if I said I thought this shit was going to be any good, but it actually was. What's up, Kentucky?

I realized that the Tony Jaa video I linked the other day was really shitty, so I went and found some quality. Go here for a snippet of the crazy chase scene (the end's the best) and the bizarre French rap video; go here for other good shit.

I know it's Wednesday already, but this weekend I made my way over to my dude Il Shim's house in West Philly to see
his band and several others play. It was a great time, but I was exposed to something really bizarre a "noise" band. I guess I'm stupid, but I had no idea what a noise band is, despite hearing the term a few times. I'm not sure where the particular band I saw falls in terms of categorization, but I will say that they were noisy. As fuck. Singer dude (who looked a bit like Stephen Wright) yelled incoherent shit into a distorted mic while his partner literally played a skipping record over and over again. The weirdest thing about it was that all these hip-type kids were dancing, head-nodding, and seemed to really be feeling it. If I can draw one conclusion from my experience, it would probably be that a "noise" show is the only place where you could spot more than one person dressed like this dude. Matt kept trying to coax this chick wearing a similar hat to pose for a picture, and she kept rudely refusing. The Chimeras were great though. Look out for them.

Collegian sports editor/ubiquitous La Salle personality Krazy Mike is doing some big things, namely being published on the official Yankees website. Get 'em, man.

This had to be filmed over an extremely long period of time, but it's freaking amazing. On second thought, I have trouble believing it's real. Still watch it though.

new Mike Jones video is probably the most self-referential piece of work I've seen in years. Shit starts off typically, with Mike rapping next to some thick ethnic broads and nice cars. Also, a jawn dressed like a French maid brings out a tray with a bunch of his jewelry on it. Then, suddenly, he and his crew (and Slim Thug) take seats in his fully-furnished home theater (complete with a working marquee that reads "Dr. Teeth presents Flossin") and a watch a movie that consists of footage from earlier in the video. So postmodern! Needless to say, this shit makes Adaptation look contrived and self-indulgent. If only Spike and Mike could squash their deep-seeded same-name beef and work together on some brother from another mother shit...

A slightly strange
Village Voice blog post (complete with ridiculous comments) on the Cam shooting. Can't say that I can tell whether or not the writer is being sincere; it's clear that he's a Dip Set fan ("one of the greatest rappers in the world came very close to dying"), but I can't really place what he's saying about this whole debacle. Ahh, maybe it's because he's not really saying much of anything. Peep the conclusion:

What does it say about rap's rampant conspicuous consumption that one of the best rappers in the game came close to dying rather than relinquishing his car? And would it have said anything different if Cam had actually been murdered? They're important questions, but they're questions for another time. Right now, Cam is OK, back in New York. We haven't lost him, and we should breathe a sigh of relief.

How convenient. I can't really tell if the guy is trying to dickride Cam really hard or if he's just attempting to attach some philosophical significance to him getting shot up in DC like it's never happened to anyone before. I don't know, his language is just weird ("What did they think when they saw that gorgeous blue spaceship cruising down a street that late at night, looking like an apparition?") I do agree 100 percent with his assertion that driving in D.C. is like trying to navigate a labyrinth, though. Shit is so confusing.

My slight tendency towards e-narcissism often turns up weird mentions of myself on websites. For example, awhile back I talked to this kid briefly about possibly becoming involved with CAOS, the commuter and off-campus student organization at school. I told him to call me with more information about when meetings would be held and everything. He never did, so I figured they found someone else for the job. I guess not, as I am currently the
off-campus student liaison. It's the easiest position of power I've ever held, really. So easy that I didn't even know I had it. Weird. Still not as bad as that guy who plagarized my already-shitty review, though.

Read up on the generally irrelevant Bossman/Mullyman beef
here. Despite being from Maryland, I don't know too much Baltimore hip-hop, mostly because there's very little to begin with. All I know is I heard some Mullyman shit on the radio the other day and it was pretty serious. I still can't really deal with the fact that the two biggest dudes in Bmore both have -man suffixes. I'm expecting Aquaman to jump into the cipher sometime soon. I hear he's from Essex.

When I was in Maryland on Sunday, I stayed over at my dude Justin's house and he asked me to help him edit a take-home ethics exam. I said no problem, and began working on his shit from his laptop. Out of nowhere, the shit short circuits and the computer shuts down, and despite my best efforts I could not make it turn back on. I decided not to flip out, because if I did that, I'd be no better than the machine. I went to his other computer and opened the unedited version of the exam from Justin's e-mail and started all over again. I soon realized that the laptop document had about three more pages of text than the version I was currently working on. This was when I kinda started freaking out. Justin was passed the fuck out on the couch, exhausted from an Adderall-driven 36-hour consciousness fest, so there was no way he was getting up. Turned out that Justin just had to bring his laptop to the IT department of his school the next morning, and the techie there pulled some Nintendo cartridge shit by pulling out the battery and blowing on it, making the whole thing work again. Fuck! Stupid computers.

After some intense Internet scrutiny, it's been determined that
Gerard's dog is most likely a Rhodesian Ridgeback. Don't worry, I don't know what the shit that is either. Just check the 2004 bitch of the year for good measure.

Being a big Google image search fan, I found
this game to be amazing. Some of them are really hard though.

Past life analysis is a lot of fun. According to this site, I lived in Scotland during the 1400's, and worked as a banker, usurer, moneylender or judge. I also had a natural talent for psychology and was regarded as "cold-blooded" in my relations with others. I'm thinking I was pretty fucking cool in my last life.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Drew Lazor caught the L Train Express to Louisville

That guy that hates me wrote the preceding statement on the OKP messageboard. I'm not really sure if that is supposed to be insulting, or if it's just simple exposition. Either way, I'm finally back from Louisville with an update. Sorry, guys.

First off, I'd like to shout out my buddy Graham for creating the amazing Trapper Juan picture on your right (if you're using Firefox...if not, it's probably all the way at the bottom). Graham's always been crazy good with Photoshop and the like, but he recently took a class on the shit and now has the ability to tamper with the fabric of time (i.e. digitally place me into
Dune as if I've always lived on the spice planet Arrakis). Before, his art was mostly comprised of collages of Trey Anastasio and shit; it's nice to know he's finally using his talents for good instead of evil. Much love.

This dude called Chris Chase (who is randomly friends with my boss) has a
funny sports blog you should read. His most recent claim to fame is his petition to bring back Jake Plummer's moustache. He started shit as a joke, but it spread thanks to a link look from Bill Simmons' intern. The thing has thousands of signatures, he's been doing interviews with Denver radio stations and stuff and apparently it's gotten all the way to Mike Shanahan. Excellent.

I got a
Cunnilynguists (best name ever) review coming sometime today, maybe. Check back for link if you want to read it if you're depressed at home and have nothing better to do than peruse my shit.

If you know what's good for you, you will visit
RR and download that Bun B/Big Boi joint. It's gross.

The dude over at
Nastack with a painfully true "You Know You're a B-List Rapper When..." post. I would have to second all those assertions, even though I'm a casual careful fan of Jin, er, the Emcee, sorry. Allhiphop had him on tap earlier this week (parts one and two). No hate to other Asian rappers Cool Calm Pete, but I feel like Jin's the representative dude lately. His debut record sucked (can't lie), but he's been doing his battle thing (which I know is generally insignificant, but aren't you glad he's taking care of his?). I'd like the guy to come out with something that doesn't blow donkey and break the just-battle mold. I'm just trying to be optimistic.

Bol linked this cleverly titled piece on Juelz's computer problems. Guess there's no Geek Squad in Santana's Town.

I've finally started to read
Free Darko (E's favorite shit) and I'm glad I did. Dudes are hilarious geniuses and all that- read this NBA dress code post (they've followed it up with several others since then that are also great). Makes me look forward to NBA/college seasons starting up.

Lou updates like a madman. Check his insights on City Paper EIC Duane's latest book, and his completely irrational desire to become an ultimate fighter. We are both fans of watching UFC shit on TV, and Lou is always telling me how he's going to start training for it. I always voice my concerns with this, mainly due to the fact that there is a 157% chance of Lou suffering a slow, painful death by Gracie Jiu-Jitsu in the octagon if he ever even tried. Just being realistic, man. Don't want you to die, that's all.

I'm beginning to think I have a latently damning effect on all my editors. First Don bails OKP, and now former EIC Jim S. has said "eff it all" to the
Chestnut Hill Local. I'm not really sure why he left; I've heard a few things about some conflicts with the community association or something, but I really don't know. I tried to link up the editorial he wrote regarding his resignation, but the Local website is currently disabled (no doubt because of this craziness). Either way, going to miss working for him, as he was one of the most professional and respectable guys I've met through the local papers. Is this just a weird coincidence, or am I cursed? Is Collegian EIC Nicole Woods about to take an indefinite leave of absence from our plucky college paper? Is the entire editorial staff of City Paper fixing to riot in Old City? Shit. I'm worried. And I'm sorry for being such a bad writer that my shlockiness contributes to an increase in the unemployment rate.

Michelle downloaded
StumbleUpon for me as per the suggestion of my dude Jesse. The thing's crazy; I'm not exactly sure how it works just yet, but you log in a bunch of your interests and a modest toolbar appears on your browser. Click the "Stumble!" button and it randomly brings you to pages based on what you like. Being the creepy loser that I am, I selected "cats" as one of my interests, and was immediately taken here. Yes! The interesting part is that you can rate pages you like and they're added to the Stumble cache, and people with the same interests as you can be directed to your favorite shit. Jesse must've been feeling benevolent the other night, because he added Trapper Juan to the "list." Holler. A few choice sites I came across thanks to this:

- Hand-written date/time site. (simple, but dope)

- The Modern's Library's "100 Best" lists. (should I be concerned that three of the top 10 reader picks are by L. Ron Hubbard, and that he outweighs people like Joyce, Fitzgerald and Vonnegut? Weird...)

- True facts. (Did you know that seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all? Four percent of this figure constitutes my roommate Drew)

- A disturbing (but still amazing) explanation of how to construct a matchstick plane powered by houseflies. (warning: this webpage contains references to cryogenics. Liberal bias, I say!)

Thanks for Dann Bernardo for this shocking amazing Craigslist post (be sure to read all the way to the bottom). It's dudes like this who ruin it for all us "nice guys" out there I look to for guidance.

Haven't tried this yet, but apparently the
Face Transformer wastes more time than Addicting Games and Gorillamask combined.

I'll be in Maryland from Sunday to Tuesday, I believe. Scream at me. Please? I'll definitely be down for catching up, but unfortunately I still have a bunch of work to do over this fall "break." S'all good.

Oh, what the hell do I know? Read
Feeding Frenzy and laugh. Not at me, but near me. Or, at me.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Damn dog, you where I am

In The Shawshank Redemption,
Barry Melrose's hair served as a
stand-in for
Bob Gunton

I really just made this post so I could use that picture. Shit's choice.

Here's that
Dangerdoom piece. I gave the record four out of a possible five 'fros, but when it posted an additional halfro magically appeared. I wonder if that has anything to do with them being a new Okayartist I think it's because they're a new Okayartist. Yes yes. Liking the album a lot, aside from the Cartoon Network shit.

Trapper Juan on the
Anticon site.

Sometimes, I
Google "Trapper Juan" to see if anyone is talking shit on me. No one ever is (because no one really cares about TJ) but I always comes across this BlogShares thing. I didn't really understand the explanation, but it's apparently a fictional online blog "stock market" or some shit. This blog here is currently worth $2,840.11. I'm not sure if that's good or not that's not very good, considering that a blog like Razorblade Runner is worth $42,145.98.

This is one of the best things I've seen in months. Got love for Paperboy.

I always see ads for
HeadOn. The fuck? There's no way that works. I don't see how it's any different from rubbing a damn gluestick on your face.

City Paper
articles on the "Everest" exhibit at Space1026 and the third annual Philadelphia Pherret Phestival (?!). I tried sneaking a Young Jeezy reference into the first piece, but it was woefully Anglicized during the editing process. I'm way too street for these cats I grew up in Bel Air, Maryland, a quasi-rural suburb of Baltimore.

Even though I posted this yesterday, but I think everyone in the world should read
this. It will make your life, no shit.

Some dude uses shady Javascript code on
MySpace, unwittingly gets a million friends in under five hours. I can understand the appeal of this, since 900,000 of them were probably Asian.

It's stories like
this that make me want to join PETA. Just kidding.

I recently realized that I know a good amount of
drummers. There's my roommate Taylor, who drums for the shitty These Arms Are Snakes rip-off band that practices in my basement Daggers of Throwing, my dude Il Shim from The Chimeras and I'm accquainted with Patrick from The A-Sides. Good stuff. Percussion is beautiful, fellas. Keep drumming, I guess?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Cry about it

Today, I was sick. I felt like crap and I couldn't even make it down to City Paper. Eghh.


I'm consistently amazed by the measures people take on the Internet. For example, the loser who didn't like my Pumpkinhead review e-stalked me on MySpace and posted links to pictures of my sister and my girlfriend on the
messageboard. Now, I'm not trying to champion privacy here or anything since I put these photos online, and they're pretty much out there for public consumption. It's just pathetic and sad that someone cares enough about me jokingly calling Marco Polo an asshole that he takes time out of his day to look me up and pitifully attempt to throw some e-vitriol my way. The best shit he could come up with was "maybe Marco hit on his girl Michelle," an "insult" that's so sophomoric I think Donkeylips would probably scoff at it. Reminds me of the movie Enduring Love.

Also, I just noticed that
OKP took the review down. Was it really that big of a deal? Yeesh. Just for good measure, go to Marco's site and ask him if he knows who I am/is angry that I don't really care for his beats. I'm pretty sure he doesn't/doesn't give a fuck. I don't plan on speaking on this again; I just thought it'd be appropriate to point out that there are some real lame people out there.

I'm definitely a crazy cat lady. See
this as evidence. Had to give Riley dude a flea bath when he returned from his Odyssey.

New Word Order and read Lou's informative post about the Lu Banglie saga. Story is fucked up and really pisses me off. In happier Chinese news, your boy Yao Ming laced the Sixers the other night.

I'm convinced that
Ong-Bak is the sickest kung fu flick I've seen in ages. I've wanted to watch it for a long time but didn't get the chance to catch it theaters; I finally rented the DVD tonight. I was shocked by how insane and inventive the fight choreography was. I've watched a shit-ton of kung fu/martial arts movies, but they really tried to do something different here. People have been calling Tony Jaa (video) the next Bruce Lee and shit (check the part in this interview where he says he likes to walk to the bathroom on his hands). I don't really know about that, but it's obvious that the guy is a freak of nature. He does all his stuff with no strings or wires, which is the accepted approach in Asia anyway for some reason.

The best part about the fight shit in
Ong-Bak was that they replayed every devastingly ridiculous move two or three times in rapid succession. I found this to be a great directorial choice, mostly because that's what you watch kung fu movies for in the first place. Not to toss salt at ostensibly "kung fu" flicks with actual plots (shoutout to Zhang Yimou), but I'm really just looking for the jaw-dropping stuff. Also, the DVD features a French rap video featuring Tony, which I tried to find online but couldn't. Shit was terrible great.

From a minute ago, but I'm loving that
Jeezy's Snowman tees are causing such hype. Shit's hilarious. The dude is a marketing genius. I love how the Israeli dude is like "I never saw the street react so strongly...and then they told me the snowman is actually the guy delivering 'snow' on the street." Ha! Jeezy had to tell him that? I thought he was from Camden.

I know that people throughout the city are really wondering about the revitalization of the 8100 block of Germantown Avenue in Chestnut Hill. It's a new story hotter than
Sigel's stepdad right now. That being the case, check this hard-hitting and incisive profile. Man I'm a douchebag. This article touches on the same controversy and is far more interesting.

Catchdubs linked this extensive oral history of The Warriors. Funny shit.

My boss e-introduced me to this dude named
Kon who is apparently an Internet legend nowadays. His ridiculous face/popped collar shenanigans have spawned thousands of shamelessly Photoshopped joke pictures (I know that board's full of hippies, but just use discretion and you'll be fine). He was also telling me that there used to be an online photo album of his pimped-out night at the Olive Garden, but it got taken down. Shit! Anyway, my favorites here, here and here.

Jesse showed me
Digg, a news site that "employs non-hierarchical editorial control." I'm not smart enough basically, users can vote for which stories they'd like to see posted on the front page. Interesting stuff on there.

My buddy Gerard came through the other night a little drunk from the bar and, for some reason, gave me the
Bossman Bossman's Law & Order. Gerard (who mostly likes Radiohead and Raffi and shit) said he wasn't sure what he was doing with a grimy, underground Baltimore rap album in his car; honestly, I didn't know either, but it ain't bad at all. Think it came out about a year ago or something.

I'm supposed to have that
Dangerdoom review on OKP sometime today-ish. I'll come back and link it when it's up. They're a new Okayartist too. Scream at 'em. I didn't really like this album at first, but the more I listened to it the more I could appreciate what it was about. Their stuff is quirky, funny and entertaining and sorta bangs on occasion, as much as a Danger Mouse beat can bang (not that dude sucks at all; on the contrary, he's nice, he's just more akin to making the "thinky" beats). Still think Adult Swim is stupid shit though. Its fans are the most intolerant in the world. They can't believe I don't find ATHF or whatever funny. I'm kicking myself for not including them in a Collegian article I did awhile back about intolerant fans; I covered Phish "phans," LOTR dorks, Yankees bastards and OC heads but left them out on accident.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

My name is Leslie Anne Levine Drew Lazor

I wish I had the time to update here a little more, but I'm busy, like Jackson Pollock busy.

Reef the Lost Cauze review up on OKP. I wrote this when I was super cracked out from being awake for like 526 hours, and I noticed that there's a bunch of careless redundancy in it. Shit. Oh well. Album is quite good though (and features some insane Emynd beats, even though he'll tell you they suck), so get at it. Also, the dude Don over there has moved on to bigger/better shit. Not like he reads this, but best of luck anyway- dude is one of the funniest music writers I've come across.

Turtles with two heads are the new turtles with one head.

Will from
Nastack always has some funny shit linked. I know record labels like to push back releases all the time, but apparently Joe Buddens' new one isn't coming out for 20 years. Shit's a shame. Jersey Joe is solid. Also check his post about Dash's The Ultimate Hustler show.

The dirty hippie in me really wants to go see My Morning Jacket at the TLA next Friday. I'm sorry, but they fucking shred. Love 'em.

Debates are definitely my least favorite aspect of academia ever. A lot of people seem to love
arguing about shit but I'm just not into it. In fact, I don't even like arguing about shit in real life. I guess I'm an extremely non-confrontational person. Granted, there have been times when I've spoken on assertions that I simply find ridiculous, but these instances are rarer than a coelacanth siting. A solid justification of my hatred for all things extemporaneous is my recent miserable failure of a debate in front of my entire Comm Ethics class. Now, Lou and I thought we were killing it, and the two girls on the other team were doing very well too. We all brought up good, well-researched points and the debate lasted even longer than it was supposed to go.

That's why I was shocked when our teacher pulled us all aside at the end and told us to remind him to "never trust you again when you say you're prepared." Apparently, neither side had adequately or accurately addressed the larger issue of "ethics" within our topic (privacy vs. the right to know). Whoops. I really like this teacher a lot- he's an extremely insightful and funny dude, and our class discussions are usually pretty lively. But to be honest, the entire concept of "ethics" fucking eludes me. Shit's so vague and its precepts are so whatever the antonym of "codified" is confusing that it's hard to really take a "stand" based entirely on ethical ideals. Guess I should've hollered at
Aristotle a little more before the debate. Oh yeah, if you're ever stuck doing this bullshit for class (or if you just like arguing I don't like you), hit up this site.

Denise is not happy about this. I don't see what the big deal is- dude is just trying to get his, you know? Some excerpts with realistic translations:

Allen said his interest was sparked as a young man when he studied sexism in the health-care industry and got caught up in "the 1970s second-wave feminist movement."

Translation: Allen has been trying to get it since the 1970s.

He has a history of defying gender stereotypes: He headed the predominantly female faculty in the department of Psychosocial and Community Health in the UW School of Nursing. Earlier in his career, he worked as a nurse.

Translation: Allen looked to the predominantly female nursing profession to try and threw it in droths of hot bitches in scrubs.

"What I experienced in that role was largely male privilege, like getting deferred to when I shouldn't have," he said. "I didn't get the same level of grief about things as my female colleagues did."

Translation: Allen got it a lot back then.

He added that his father, an insurance salesman, thought it an "outrageously bad idea" that he become a nurse. "He thought if you are a man and nursing, you must be gay," said Allen, who is married with two children.

Translation: Allen's dad is hilarious and thinks Meet the Parents is just as funny. His wife suspects that he's throwing it in all the Women's Studies grad students and his children are constantly picked on by jocks.

I recently came up with the idea for an "overheard" column in The Collegian that Lou cleverly titled "Out of Context" (no sarcasm). This kid Sam (who is a dope writer) collects bizarre overheard items from people and muses on their possible and probable meanings. Example:

Overheard bit: "Sometimes it seems like my parents want me to be a drug addict."
Possible Rationale: Grandchild of Colombian druglord Pablo Escobar attending La Salle on soccer scholarship, musing about life with cane-slinging Pop-Pop.
Probable Rationale: Way too many Flintstones vitamins.

I would love for "Out of Context" to be dirty and lurid and disturbing, but sadly our paper is censored by the school. Ahh, eff the man.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

And the "Hater of the Year" award goes to...

ME! (you thought I was going to write 'I got the Internet going nuts,' didn't you? Shucks.)

Yes, that's right homies. Apparently, folks kids on the Okayplayer boards were none too pleased with my assessment of the Pumpkinhead album, which I personally didn't think was that great. They took particular umbrage to my closing paragraph, which is as follows:

One of the most irritating aspects of Orange Moon is that we’re reminded at least once every two tracks that Marco Polo is indeed “on production”. While this isn’t inherently a good thing or a bad thing, it certainly evokes thoughts of the neighborhood pool game of the same name. Indeed, the youthful diversion serves as a realistic metaphor for this album: Head’s wading in the deep end with his eyes closed, hoping for his trackmaker to throw him a salvageable beat. Of course, Marco’s not even in the damn water; he’s hitting on big-breasted Suzy Greenfield, cruelly taunting his MC friend while the JV basketball team points and laughs. Fuckin’ asshole.

Someone PLEASE let me know if this sounds like I'm being serious. I'm obviously being a facetious asshole here. People on the boards actually went so far as to suggest that I am a failed rapper who Marco Polo turned down for beats or that I have a personal problem with MP. To be completely honest, I wasn't familiar with the guy prior to hearing this CD; I thought his beats were weak, so I used a little hyperbole to make my point. These people are acting like I have some deep-seeded personal beef with Marco Polo and that's why I'm lashing out. The dude Don even told me that the guy's PUBLICIST e-mailed him and complained! Your boy is (IN)FAMOUS! It's seriously flattering to receive such web hatred. I'm going to copy and paste some of my favorite comments about yours truly right here:

"The guy who did that review is a dick."

This is totally accurate, actually.

"Drew Lazor. is that his rapper name? lol"

Real name, buddy. Laugh out loud!

"It's not even about a bad review, it's about a pointless personal attack by a disgruntled food critic. (do you even like rap music? When I looked for other articles by you, all I found was a very complimentary recipe for fruit muffins). Clearly I'm not the only one who disagrees with "the Lazor's" opinion...did Marco fuck drew's fiance and forget to call?"

So, dude actually took the time to Google my name and found my City Paper "Feeding Frenzy" pieces (none of which involve recipes for fruit muffins, either). I think it's guys like this that keep the blanket term "the unemployable" relevant. And yes, Marco Polo did fuck my fiancee and forget to call. While we're at it, go read my Why? review and start a thread about how writing a food column for my unpaid internship automatically makes any of my opinions on music invalid.

"Drew lazor is a fucking idiot and i hope he runs out of gas on the high way in rush hour."

Emil pointed out that this comment was actually very favorable: "I like how that guy doesn't threaten you (it's more common on messageboards for dudes to be like 'This guy is an idiot and if I saw him on the street I'd fucking sock him!'), but just wishes bad things to happen to you. You've gotta respect his passive approach to negativity."

"i really wanna know who that idiot is (whats his okp handle). not on some i'ma do somethin to him, just so i know who he is."

My handle is "TooBusyToWasteTimeWhiningOnABoard." Also, I'd like to note that this guy is from Houston, so for him to "do something to me," he'd have to get on Travelocity and book a flight.

"drew lazor? lol. somebody fire this guy."

It's hard to get fired for a job you don't get paid for. Now go back to jerking off to your Nelson George essay about the four elements.

Check the dude Will's new-ish hip-hop blog Nastack. Shit is hot and he posts full mixtape downloads on the regular. Also, read his post on the possible Cam'ron/Jay-Z smackfest. Keep it up!

The homey roomie Lou (no Ferrigno) wins the award for sweetest website link ever with this. Shit somehow interprets the HTML of your website (and all the sites you link to) and converts it into a picture of a forest (this is his). Fucking cool. Also from Lou: this amazing comic depiction of feminism.

Australian medical researchers found that film depictions of sex and marijuana use are unrealistic. Study said "there were no depictions of important consequences of unprotected sex such as unwanted pregnancies, HIV or other STDs." In related news, it's been reported that China has a "fairly large population." What movies did these people watch anyway? Obviously not this one. Or this one.

I'm big on Franz Ferdinand, but this interview rubbed me the wrong way. I'd like to assume that the guys are being cheeky and satirical with their comments, but I'm not sure. Read this:

"[The Kinks'] Ray Davies had that great symbiotic relationship between the music and the emotional content of the lyric," Kapranos explains. "Think of 'Waterloo Sunset.' It had all those great backing vocals, and that change of key from major to minor that gives it such soaring poignancy."

Aghh! Come on, man!

A guy called Gonzo from over at Space1026 e-mailed me a link to these sick photos of art installations the "Everest" guys have done in the past. That wave is the shit. Everest exhibit should be really dope...opening reception this Friday, so go if you want to get your Polaroid taken on the apex of the mountain. What a good idea.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Gold star for robot boy

Who's down? My treat!

Went to the Blue Horseshoe last night for the Nothing Fancy V2 release party. Was a great, slightly drunk time with good peoples, but unfortunately there were some sound/speaker issues that prevented Emynd and his dude Bo Bliz from spinning anything. Boo! You'll get 'em next time. Finally got that new Reef too, so look for a OKP review sometime this week.

I couldn't make it out to the Daggers of Throwing my roommate's band's show on Friday, but I thought I would share the dope flier. Looks like something Edward Gorey drew when he was five.

Someone get me an advance of this for Rosh Hashanah.

Funny shit about rappers in film. Dude on Snoop in Bones: "Snoop as a ghostly pimp? Nigga please. The scariest Snoop has ever appeared on the big screen would have to be as the role of "Rodney" in Baby Boy. He looked like a damn rotisserie chicken in a wife beater." Ha! I would have to say my favorite MCs-in-a-movie shit (other than Disorderlies, of course) would have to be Belly (check the dude cutting on T-Boz here too). Like he said, it's not like Nas and X should've won Oscars for this shit or anything, but they gave performances that were straight alright, far better than I initially expected. X is still insane though.

The Smoking Gun recently posted the employee handbook for Hooters. Their "standards" kill me:

Customers can go to many places for wings and beer, but it is our Hooters girl who make our concept unique. Hooters offers its customers the look of the "All American cheerleader, Surfer, Girl Next Door." The essence of the Hooters concept is entertainment through female sex appeal, of which the LOOK is a key part. When you are in the Hooter Girl Uniform you are literally playing a role; having been cast for that role, you must comply with the Image and Grooming standards that the role requires.

Hair is to be styled at all times. No ponytails or pigtails are to be worn. The image to be projected is one of glamour. No bizarre hair cuts, styles, or colors are acceptable. No hats or headbands are to be worn. No large hair clips or scrunchies.

- Does Hooters management really consider 20-something girls in tank tops and unflattering polyester shorts a "unique concept"? Shit's about as unique as "Yuengs and Wings" at your local dive. "Unique" would be transsexual waiters waitresses dressed like PECO employees serving patrons skirt steaks marinated in human blood and absinthe.

- No offense to anyone who's worked at Hooters, but I've never once seen any waitress evoke thoughts of a cheerleader or surfer in the 2-3 times I've eaten there. Girl next door, perhaps, especially considering that some of the hoes that live on my street could very well be Hooters employees, but SURFER? The fuck? It's not like these jawns are sun-damaged and are trouncing around in board shorts and Rainbow sandals.

- "The image to be projected is one of glamour." I'm supposed to think Hooters girls are glamorous (and not just your run-of-the-mill glamor, but classy, English-style-spelling glamour)?

- Kudos to corporate for banning scrunchies and large hair clips. That shit looks stupid. Michelle vehemently opposes scrunchy use, and I agree, lest I be beaten.

Catchdubs had this I Hate Weed Love Songs article posted a few days ago. Hilarious.

My dude Dann Bernardo from NYC sent me this link. I was initially excited because I thought he had started a website/blog, but turns out it's just some fucking nuts martial artist/meditation guru/psycho hippie with the same name. The "About Me" section is the best, as it outlines his expertise with Korean Tang Soo Do Moo Duk Kwan (?!) and his spiritual history (
"I began showing signs of ESP at a young age. When I was in 6th grade, I saw my main spirit guide for the first time. A large pure white wolf. It shocked me at first, but I was never afraid of it. Over the next couple of years, more wolves would come totalling up to 6 adults, and one pup..."). Holy shit.

Shameless links to my
mixpick and Feeding Frenzy pieces from the latest CP. Shame, shame!

Adam via Finnegan: Philly's been named the "Next Great City" by National Geographic Traveler. I'm guessing this is comparable to being named best college running back by Sports Illustrated for Kids. They also called Old City "the liveliest urban neighborhood between SoHo in New York and SoBe in Miami." I'm thinking they just wrote that to use those tired abbreviations; thankfully, they didn't stretch shit by calling it OlCi. Also, the EIC says "Philly has a little bit of an underdog sense of itself and it doesn't even realize how great it is."

Yes, however cliche it may be these days, Philly does have an
underdog mentality. But it's ridiculous to suggest that Philly residents don't even realize how great the city is. I think I'm a bit more aware of this as a non-native, but Philly cats are fucking obsessed with the area (which isn't a bad thing). If you took the average resident's commentaries at face value, you would think the city is the greatest metropolis since Ancient Rome or some shit. I'm not hating- I love it here, but it's a stretch to suggest that Philadelphians are so humble and aloof that being called the "Next Great City" comes as an absolute shock. These dudes obviously didn't interview any Eagles fans.

I went over to
Space 1026 today to follow a possible story on this exhibit; unfortunately, it was taken down a few days ago. I'm on the lookout for their next event, though: two artists from Cincinnati are constructing an "Everest" at the studio (I don't know what this means, but it was all they told me) and people can get their photo taken in front of it. I'm thinking of pulling a Edmund Hillary and scaling that shit. Hopefully, it's sturdier material than papier mache and it will support my girth.