Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Mariano of the Marriott

So MySpace

I just listened to the Jeezy and Jay "Go Crazy" long version and shit's hot (Rapidshare here). Beat's reminiscent of "Encore" or something. Jeezy is being stroked more than Pai Mei's beard these days, but I guess I can understand dude's appeal. He manages to remind pretty much anyone who talks to him that he's a hustler's hustler's hustler, and he's buddies with Jay because Jay-Z is the consummate gentleman's hustler. Did I mention that Jeezy is a hustler? Anyway, Jeezy's verse is pretty alright (any rhyme referencing a game of horseshoes is fine with me), but the real gem here is Jay's 32 bars. His favorite hue is Jay-Z blue, which I picture as some sort of combination of cornflower and royal. Faz also spotted the first of many "trap or die" angry snowman tees at his work the other day. If you ever see me with a snowman tee on, be sure to punch my teeth out. I also got "Don't Get Caught," (Rapidshare here) in which Jeezy schools young cats about how to weasel your way out of trouble when you get pulled over by the police with a trunk full of yay. The more you know...

Sometimes, people come up to me and make a weird noise like "bleah!" or "yargh!" and when I look at them, they say "sorry man, I thought you were someone else." It happened to me at McGlinchey's last night. It's really weird. I can't help but think of how these noises could possibly be relevant to the person they thought I was; I usually greet friends and/or acquaintances with handshakes, hugs, awkward "pounds," high fives or other general cordialities. If I go "whoogo!" next time I see you, know that I'm performing a large-scale sociological experiment. Or that I'm wasted.

I've been reading Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs lately and it's fantastic. I haven't found myself wholeheartedly agreeing with a writer this much in awhile. I laugh out loud when I'm reading too, a phenomenon usually only reserved for Family Circus. Chuck K. has the ability to make seemingly unrelated pop culture references make sense in the context of what he's talking about (he even has a guide that makes you realize that however witty his tangents may seem, he's actually not saying anything, which is slightly brilliant). One would think that dude is such a skinny bespectacled music dork that he has no knowledge of stereotypically manlier pursuits such as professional sports, but the guy knows everything there is to know about that too- he's got a chapter about how the Celtics/Lakers rivalry of the 80's is a huge metaphor for pretty much every interpersonal conflict ever. I don't necessarily agree with 100% of Chuck's opinions (I happen to like the game of soccer, while Chuck despises it), and Billy Joel really kinda sucks (Chuck would have you believe that Joel is the only rock star in history that's neither patently cool or ironically uncool, maybe him the perfect "everyman" musician).

The best part about this book is the 23 questions he has to ask everybody he meets to decide if he can really love them. This is my one of my favorites (responses are welcomed and encouraged):

Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called 'super gorilla.' Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousands words, an IQ or almost 85, and--most notably--a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs 700 pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be 'borderline unblockable' and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays*). Meanwhile the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent. You are commisioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

* This is freaking hilarious. Once I'm done I'm going to move on to his new book. Sounds promising.

Some friends of mine have been conducting intense research/imaginary scouting camps for the impending fantasy football season. The appeal of fantasy sports has always eluded me. I understand the basic concept of it all, but there just seems to be so much room for confusion. For example, say the damn Steelers are playing the Ravens, my home team. I am obviously going to root for the Ravens. But say Plaxico Burress or whatever other Steelers player happens to be on my fantasy team (like I would ever pick him...but let's just pretend he was the highest-rated WR available so I just sucked it up and went for it). If Plexiglass scores a touchdown like his beanpole ass usually does, should I get mad and throw my Milwaukee's Beast at the television like usual (exaggeration; actually Busch Light), or do I accept or maybe even celebrate it because my fantasy ranking will go up?* Participating in fantasy sports creates an inescapable conflict of interest for the average fan. I'm just going to watch on TV, I think.

*(Note to self: Stop basing blog thoughts on Best Buy commercials, as they are not an accurate reflection of reality)

One question: why not Yayo? Yayo is superfluosity personified. That's definitely not a real word. Why the hell was G-Unit travelling in a van anyway?

Here's a board debate that I found quite relevant. I always raise an eyebrow when I hear a non-black person using the n-word, and I really don't think it's appropriate. At the same time, I've been wondering why it's perfectly fine for Latino MCs like Fat Joe to drop it in their verses all the time. Crack ain't black, but I've never heard one scrap of criticism about him saying it, which leads me to believe that maybe its usage is based not so much on skin color than it is on background/legitimacy (Joe hails from the Bronx, therefore it's acceptable for him, etc.). At the same same time, I know that Eminem vehemently opposes using the word in his lyrics, and I've never heard Paul Wall (who reps Houston just like Slim Thug or Mike Jones reps Houston) drop it once. Who knows.

Stop the presses: Jeb Bush and I agree on something.

Today at work I wrote an e-mail to Rick Reilly about his column in this week's SI. He pointed out how ridiculous it sounds when positive-testing players claim they took banned substances unintentionally. As much as I love Palmeiro as a player, I couldn't help but cringe when he restated his now-famous "I have never taken steroids, period" quote as "I have never intentionally taken steroids." Come on, man.

Today I saw a Texas A&M sticker on a car and I said I thought the "M" stood for "mining." I know, I'm a moron, and I had no idea why I thought this, but I did. Michelle said I was stupid and that it stood for "mechanical." In classic "Drew neither wins nor loses argument based on a cheap technicality" style, I found this:

Texas A&M, the state’s first public institution of higher education, was opened on Oct. 4, 1876 as the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas. The school owes its origin to the Morrill Act of 1862, which established the nation’s land-grant college system. In 1963, the name of the institution was changed to Texas A&M University to more accurately reflect its expanding role as a leader in teaching, research, and public service for the state, nation and world. The initials "A" and "M" are a link to the university’s past; they no longer represent any specific words as the school’s curriculum has grown to include not only agriculture and engineering, but architecture, business, education, geosciences, liberal arts, medicine, science, and veterinary medicine.

It's a draw! My record of 0-6835 remains intact.


emynd said...

I had never even thought about what either the "A" or the "M" in "A&M" stood for. "Mining" would've been a better guess than mine. Also, "White T's White Belts" on Saturday. Come.


Drew said...

Despite me insisting that it was a draw, Michelle still claims I owe her five bucks. Dammit.