Thursday, July 28, 2005

Whoop that trick!

Did anyone see that skit on Conan where him and former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich play detectives? Shit was hilarious. Reich is really, really short.

One time there was a party at Michelle's house. For some reason, these two lame girls were there wearing matching horrible pink t-shirts that said "Team [Insert generic boy name here]" because [generic boy name] was in a drinking contest at another party and they were cheering for him. Anyway, Michelle's roommate and general mench Chris had his computer music going, and "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" (1977) came on. I immediately laughed and walked over to the computer to change it, only to be chastized by these two vapid dolts. "DON'T YOU DARE CHANGE IT! THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG! DON'T TOUCH IT!" the uglier one said. "Are you serious?" I remember asking. They said they were serious.

They went on singing the words, stopping every so often to grind on each other if they made a shot in beer pong. I was fucking shocked. I've witnessed plenty of girls knowing all the words to the Grease megamix or whatever, but that was seriously a first for me. I remember shaking my head and thinking about what had just happened. Seriously, who says that PBTDL is their FAVORITE SONG? Of all the songs ever made, that's your FAVORITE SONG? Also, where is [generic boy name]? You really aren't much of a cheering section if you ditched this schwab to come to my girlfriend's house looking to get in a drunken fight with someone about Meatloaf. Whoop that trick!

Emil and his people's music blog, So Many Shrimp, is dope. Wide-spanning collection of free music downloads and some excellent, even freeer (?) commentaries on the shit. Check that guest post from today about Japanese hip-hop. I've always been interested in international hip-hop even though I am painfully monolingual. This Japanese shit seems to be a lot more interesting than some of the other crap I've acquired out of curiosity in the past, like this Russian fuckrag named Detsl. Haha, Detsl...muh looks like the lead singer of Strike Anywhere if he was 12. White natty dreads, man...I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything, but I vehemently oppose anyone but black people wearing dreads. I'd like to say it's because dreads have a cultural context for black people (especially within Carribean cultures) and it's really disengenous for white cats to think they can be a part of it; really though, I just think white people look kinda stupid wearing them. Take a shower, honky.

Eastern Conference drama between watermouth now-Jukie Cage and Philly's High & Mighty. Something about how Cage felt all the EC money was being funneled into H&M's projects and not his own. Who knows; I do know that Hellz Winter is supposed to be dude's swansong or something. The few tracks I've heard streamed on his MySpace are pretty nice, but the AHH article alludes to the fact that dude has ditched "the murderous and misogynistic rhymes he is known for." Sellout! Cage is a crazy wordsmith, and I think him and Ace together is some of that murderous murder. Aesop spits shit like "and the award for scummiest ninja moment of the summer goes to Mr. Slip-a-Mickey to Christ in his own suburb. His talent turned chemical imbalance a vital cash crop while moonlighting as your local Eckerd pharmacy mascot." Just another example of how I even though don't understand what the eff dude is talking about I still love him.

Joseph Smith (same guy, I think) is real pissed right now about Utah. Oh well. The only Mormons I've ever met don't come from strictly Mormon families; only one of their parents is Mormon and they happen to follow the faith or something like that. One time, this kid I know was expressing his disgust with the Mormon missionaries that his mom invited over for dinner every Sunday. I asked him if he objected to them because he believed that people should be more accepting of other people's religions and not force their beliefs on others. He said no, he just hates them because his moms makes them all the good grub and he gets stuck with string cheese and shit. I was like oh. Good reasoning though now that I think about it.

ME: Hey Stephen A! I'm a big fan.
SAS: I disagree! I DISAGREE!
ME: Um, about what? I was just...
SAS: Digger Phelps likes Malaysian boys! I DISAGREE!
ME: What?
SAS: Preposterous, scandalous, absolutely and utterly ludricous! I deny and vehemently rebuke these allegations about Digger Phelps!*

Excellent article in this week's Sports Illustrated about everyone's favorite asshole sportscaster, Steven A. Smith (I would've linked it but it's only available to members, which I am not). A lot of people at my school (La Salle) hate this guy, mostly because when the basketball rape scandal broke last summer, he was especially critical of the administration's handling of media relations in his columns with the Inquirer. You know, as much as people want you to hate this guy, I can't help but like him. In a very short period, he established himself as a cantankerous, stubborn, highly opinionated and often brazen personality in the basketball world (and when you've got loveable shiny-headed dudes like Greg Anthony and aw shucks La Salle alum Timmy Legler in on the same roundtable discussion with Stephen A., he stands out like I do at the Dunkin' Donuts on Broad & Olney). He parlayed the publicity and media attention he got into his many ESPN gigs and just recently landed his own show. Can you really hate a guy for marketing himself? I don't think so. He's loud and controversial; that's his schtick. He really wants you to hate him because if you hate him he gets more publicity and more money, like some Eminem shit.

Two random thoughts from Stephen A. in the article: "Turkey is delicious, and the turkey and cheese sandwich is my personal favorite. It's doesn't upset my stomach, and I like to have it once or twice a week," AND "I date African-American women. That's all I date. In my family it was never discussed--but I love black women. Nothing beats a sister. However, when you see a female like Jennifer Lopez, you have to acknowledge that there are many beautiful Latino women as well."

(*Prototypical Stephen A. Smith banter not actually original; stolen from Karl Taro Greenfeld's article. Sorry, Karl.)

Deepest, bluest, Tin-Tin's head is like
a shark's fin

From Denise: crazy story about test-tube sharks and shit. Every time I watch any Discovery Channel-type show on sharks, there's always some marine biologist being interviewed insisting that sharks are "misunderstood." They credit movies like and Jaws and Deep Blue Sea (which has crappiest movie poster I've ever seen) with giving sharks a bad public image. I don't really get what's being "misunderstood" about sharks. Really, what else do sharks do but eat stuff? They're predators. They look all scary, swim around and attack all sorts of shit and sometimes chomp people. It's not like they're down there reading Proust or raising philanthropic funds to save the Great Barrier Reef.

This picture was the first one that actually freaked me out. It looks like some scribbly scary drawing that a little kid does while possessed in a psychological thriller. Also, I don't think I look like that.

Yo, Mr. Wizard was a good show.

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