Sunday, July 31, 2005

Look at the grill on my pimp mobile

I wonder how to fix the sidebar on here so all the links and stuff aren't at the bottom. I don't even know why it looks like that. Weird. Someone with HTML skills should holler at a Mestizo and let me know the deal. Shit just fixed itself! Lordy.

Back on July 5, I made a post on my old blog listing some humorous content from the website Muchosucko. One of the things I happened to stumble across was a video of some rapper named "YTcracker" doing a freestyle. Finding it mildly amusing, I linked it. I later realized that "YTcracker" was some "nerd" rapper, some cool new thing where people rap about their graphics cards and hacking skills like they're hard. I guess it's strangely funny for about two seconds, but really, it's one of those things I just kinda find online one day and gloss over without giving a second thought (much like people who "battle" on messageboards). I briefly said something about the video and something to the effect of a "fuck you, you fucking suck" to YTcracker.

Anyway, I completely forgot about this particular post, YTcracker, and the entire "nerd rap" genre until the other day when I got an e-mail saying I had a new blog comment. YTcracker himself left the following comment: "NO NEED TO THROW HATE NURGA jk fuck you too nerd life word life." I was immediately flattered that YTcracker himself had sought out my shit-ass blog and read it. "Well-played, YTcracker," I said. My amusement was soon replaced by a negligible amount of irritation, however, when I noticed that two of YTcracker's fans had left comments as well. I guess they were so dedicated to their boy that they felt the need to e-defend him. Digital gangsters roll deep, apparently.

The first comment was left by this kid named Dave. The MySpace caption of this photo is "Me > you," hard evidence that digital gangsters have an exhaustive grasp on complex algorithms that elude all us folks with girlfriends. He said: "Shut the fuck up your poor douche bag. YTC has more talent in his left nut than you'll ever have, not to mention enough cash in his back pocket to buy the last 3 generations of your family. STC > * Faggot." Of all the rappers in the world, Dave chose to be YTcracker's pesky buttboy. You need sunlight, Dave.

I'm completely fine with YTC having more talent than me in terms of rapping about how good they are with computers. I can accept this based on what I consider an absolute truth: openly admitting and embracing something doesn't automatically make it any less lame. For example, you could know a guy who's a self-proclaimed guru when it comes to the gothic/supernatural soap opera Dark Shadows, which ran on PBS from 1966 to 1971. He may have an exhaustive knowledge of breakout star
s Alexandra Moltke and Jonathan Frid, and could quite possibly own a large portion of the show's 1225 episodes on VHS. Despite his incredible expertise and his ultra-rare laserdisc copy of the blooper reel where Kate Jackson's dress catches on fire (hilarious!), this guy is still a fucking dork. This same absolute truth applies to anyone who likes "nerd rap," as well; just because dissing someone for not knowing how to use Spybot Search & Destroy seems like an extreme insult to you, the more socialized members of our species simply don't give a fuck.

As hard as it is to admit, I can't help but have some compassion for this kid. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or FAS, affects thousands of newborns in America every year, and it really wasn't his fault that his mom couldn't lay off the Boone's Farm long enough to ensure that he wouldn't come out looking like the retarded bastard son of George Michael Bluth.

The second comment was left by one of these kids, not sure which one. I think his name is Colin, and he said: "sorry bro, youre not important :( nobody cares what you think, so pls keep your pictures and your hyperlinks and your "blog" saved on your computer until a point when someone asks to read what you think about anything, which wont be for a while." Way ahead of you, Col-$. This picture of your United Colors of Benneton orgy at your Hollywood-themed high school prom has been saved for posterity in my Photobucket account.

Colin and his friends strike me as the type of kids who lash out at all the asshole meathead jocks but still really want the cheerleaders to like them, or maybe that group of douches who think the key to high school immortality is planning an elaborate senior prank but get caught because they can't help but show their pep rally water balloon fight blueprints to that cute but suspiciously straitlaced Indian girl in Home Ec class. What a narc! I can say, however, that I really appreciate Colin's optimism in terms of me. Although no one is going to ask what I think about anything "for a while," he believes that one day down the line someone will. Thanks Colin! Have fun sitting with the theater kids at lunch, but just be careful with all the sophomoric gay sex references. You might get your ass kicked by the cast of Brigadoon, ultimately ruining your plans of modeling your life after the plot of Drive Me Crazy.

Anyway, in conclusion: respect to YTcracker for the lighthearted rib. Pity to Dave and Colin for sucking at life. Sorry guys. Go jerk off to Neuromancer or something.

I found this amazing post via that Scrimps site. Personal favorites include Penn State/KRS One ("They'll be the first to tell you how important they are in the scheme of things and new jacks need to give them respect, but that doesn't shake the fact that they haven't been relevant in years"), Temple/Cappadonna ("Abandoned by the set they always assumed they were down with. Will likely resort to begging and odd jobs to get by") and of course, Maryland/The Game ("Possess a cockiness that is both astonishing and completely unjustified considering their reign on the top could pass for Notre Dame's mascot. Need to watch their mouths more often. Consummate studio thugs").

Speaking of my home state, Wedding Crashers took some laughable shots at the uppercrust DC families, namely dude that goes "Football and crabcakes- that's what Maryland DOES!". Ha! I loved this movie, dude. Owen and Vince are an unstoppable comedic pair. I also possess much love for this Stiller/Wilson(s)/Vaughn/Black/Ferrell comedy frat that cranks out ostensibly "low-brow" but undeniably hilarious flicks.

Why, Raf, WHY? One of the classiest guys in baseball even got an SI look awhile back in one of those "hot or not" type columns for his stellar performance during the congressional hearings (by the way, why were there congressional hearings for this anyway? Don't they have more pertinent shit to congressionally hear?). Although it's extremely easy to write off a player who says he ingested a banned substance "unintentionally," I can't help but believe the guy. Perhaps it's just my unwavering home team loyalty talking, but still. I don't know much about Selig's new policy or anything, but despite me not really caring whether or not professional athletes are on the juice, I think the 10-day suspension is good for a first offense. It's not super-drastic but it's not a cakewalk either.

Finally watched Team America last night. I felt like I had already seen the movie from all my friends quoting the fuck out of it, but I was nothing but pleased; they equal-opportunity shit on people, people meaning everyone in the world. The absolute best part had to be the "montage" song, or the Pearl Harbor shit. Parker and Stone are geniuses. Interesting article from awhile back about the political implications of one of my favorite shows. While I don't necessarily agree with some of their stances, I can really appreciate them taking a comedic, realistic and contemporary point of view on issues that many Republican politicians refuse to waver on based purely on outdated party tradition. Also, it was written way before the hippie musical festival episode, which I think is a great example of the hypocrisy and ineffective bitching that many of today's young "liberals" like to call "political awareness."

I'm truly in my element here, leading a line of brunettes away from being attacked by some shoddy-looking killer robot while wearing what look like full-calf rabbit slippers. Also, I used to be able to palm a basketball in kindergarten with my giant smashed hands, but they've shrunken since. Fuck.


kibby said...

hahaha drew, oh my god. the ytcracker fan club hates you so hard! haha, i really can't deal with this. i'm sitting here trying to help at-risk youth and i can't stop laughing about your internet enemies. By the way, did you happen to read the one dude's blog about college drinking? It just may be the best (and by best i mean worst) thing that i've ever read. WOW!

Trebuchet said...

Hey -- your links are back at the bottom. when i've had this problem before, I've just resized my photos and all's righted itself. maybe check that. but i'm no computer nerd, so maybe ask our buddy colin. after all, he's clearly capable of complex, witty and good-humored responses to blogs he reads but thinks aren't worth reading...

Drew said...

It's weird...they appear fine on my own computer but often times if I check out the page from other people's computers or at work the links appear messed up. And, eff Colin. Haha.